Here I am going to talk about how different (types of) people react and behave differently to the way in which they “perceive” other people see themselves.
There are three area’s here which I want to cover. These are:
- How passive people feel about themselves.
- How aggressive people feel about themselves.
- How assertive people feel about themselves.
To look at oneself in the following ways is quite an interesting and difficult thing to do.
You must after reading through all of the following three “Behaviour Styles” decide which you feel is the closest to the way in which you perceive yourself.
By doing this I am not saying that either or any of these behaviour styles are right or wrong for you, but you can perhaps try and adjust your “behaviour style” to a more suitable pattern which is acceptable to you, your partner, your family and your work colleagues.
How passive people feel about themselves
People who normally use passive behaviour likely feel:
- Angry – They know others take advantage of them.
- Anxious – They feel they have little control over their lives.
- Defeated – They believe it’s no use trying; they won’t get what they want anyway.
- Withdrawn – They believe nobody listens to them.
- Lacking in energy – Their zest for life is missing. They’re usually doing things that others want them to do, rather than what they themselves want.
- Insecure and Inferior – They lack self-esteem and self-confidence, are unaware of their abilities and are reluctant to try new things for fear of failing.
- Liable to put themselves down – They have difficulty accepting even the simplest compliments and tend to underestimate the value of what they do.
- Unable to acknowledge feelings – They hide feelings of fear and inadequacy by pretending everything’s all right.
These people believe they’re not okay, but you are okay.
How aggressive people feel about themselves
People who normally use aggressive behaviour likely feel:
- Right – They are convinced that the only ideas worth listening to are their own.
- Lonely – Their aggression isolates them from everyone around them.
- Critical – They blame others when things go wrong.
- Threatened – They constantly let others know how good, intelligent, strong, etc., they are. They do this because others may learn that they aren’t really that good underneath their veneer. They attempt to make themselves feel important by putting others down.
- Guilty (eventually) – They know they’re taking advantage of others.
- Excessively energetic – They expand energy in the wrong direction, doing destructive rather than constructive things.
- Powerful (in the short term) – They enjoy having people scurry and rush to do what they say.
These people feel that they are okay, but you’re not okay.
Those who hit the other edge of aggressive behaviour (criminals) believe that they’re okay, but you’re not okay either.
How assertive people feel about themselves
People who normally use assertive behaviour likely feel:
- Calm – They’re at peace with themselves and others.
- Direct – They don’t play manipulative games to get what they want. they are up front in situations, and usually succeed at what they attempt.
- Proud – They accomplish what they do without stealing ideas from others or climbing over others. They can take full credit for what they achieve.
- Honest – When they give their word that they’ll do something, they did it, so others believe in them.
- Positive – They approach every new task or idea with a positive rather than a negative attitude.
- Satisfied – They know where they’re going and how they’re going to get there, so they usually attain their goals.
- Energetic – Their energy is directed towards achieving their goals.
- Confident – They take risks, but know their limitations. They know that it’s okay to be wrong sometimes and are ready to learn from their mistakes.
- In Control – They seldom have mood swings that adversely affect their communication with and behaviour towards others.
- Enthusiastic – They complete tasks with zest and feel that they’ll succeed at them.
- Respect for others – They recognise that others have needs and rights just as they do.
- Able to acknowledge feelings – They can explain to others what unpleasant behaviour is doing to them.
These people feel that they’re okay and you’re okay too.