Archived Messages 2003

January – December 2003
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Date: 06 Jan 2003
Time: 15:04:53

Comments
Andy, Thanks for the site. I was treated for PTSD by the RAF at Wroughton in 1995 (over a year after I came out of the mob) and thought that was it. Chemical cure – well bunny again. CRAP!! Here I am 7 years down the line and it’s on my back like a monkey again. Does anyone EVER totally recover? Dave Ex- Loggie

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Date: 08 Jan 2003
Time: 18:32:34

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Hi Andy its your user friendly Irishman here again. Thought i’d just wish you and those that visit your site a Happy New Year and I do hope that those of us that suffer PTSD that this year will find those lost souls that are alone and trying to fight the illness.
I am moving house presently but’ I wont sign contract until early March 2003. I still have my laptop to keep in contact with those that know me. My email address wornoutsailor@aol.com Ex- HMS Antrim Falklands 1982 I will answer all mail. Toodaloo Paddy Leckey

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Date: 10 Jan 2003
Time: 03:37:32

Comments
HI,Andy, I really learned alot looking over your site. I’ve had PTSD & Deperession for years & was just hospialize for a overdose. people just need to be more understanding about the illness. THANK GOD FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!

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Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 21:20:33

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It’s a sad indictment of our politicians and civil servants that individuals have to take positive action to do what should be done with taxpayers money, viz this site (well done Andy) and Combat Stress. I am a war pensioner (Oman 1974, NI 1978/79/80, medic)but I had a long struggle to get it. When I finally did get it the b******s deducted most of the back payment as I had been on job seekers allowance. The War Pensions Agency is simply a self-serving bureacracy created to deny us our rights. Write to Dr Lewis Mooney the minister for veterans and tell him your experiences. May we all go in peace…

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Date: 12 Feb 2003
Time: 23:28:36

Comments
Thank you for the work you have done here. I am a US Marine vet and have been living with PTSD for many years. Your pages really are a help. JV

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Date: 17 Feb 2003

Time: 12:33:57

Comments
Im strugglingm to deal with things every day i cant face going for help as it has made me worse in the past. I currently receive a war pension for ptsd but this is not a cure to the mess im in. Im divorced and last year lost my girlfriend who i loved more than life last year due to this shit i have tried to take my life and scared myself how easy it would have been, but my three year old daughter is all that keeps me. I cant make friends or meet people because no-one understands and i always push them away to protect them from me. I just wondered if i could talk to other sufferers and not feel like im in the darkness alone, I want my life back. Can you help? My e-mail is BOOTYBRI@YAHOO.CO.UK

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Date: 24 Feb 2003
Time: 19:02:32

Comments
shane drysdale i think that this is very useful info but i think that there should be more

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Date: 27 Feb 2003
Time: 13:20:11

Comments
great site.now on my list,thanks fab bray staff services officer irish prison service

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Date: 27 Feb 2003
Time: 13:21:49

Comments
great site ,now on my list of help.thanks fab bray;; irish prison service

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Date: 26 Mar 2003
Time: 12:45:17

Comments
so glad to see this site, I’m not alone anymore, but for my sake nhs help me

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Date: 01 Apr 2003
Time: 14:06:32

Comments
I comfort when sad. I pull him back when depression sets in. I censor all mail. I watch his restless and aggressive sleep. I am in the firing range of verbal abuse when a news item ‘sets him off’. I feel the eyes and hear the whispers that follow me out of Welfare Department offices when he has lost his patience, again. I am the chauffeur because road rage has reared its ugly head. I am the pacifier in a very fragile family unit. I am the negotiator between Dad and two small children. I am the chemist overseeing the small pile of medication. I stand embarrassed at the stares from other shoppers as he checks the car for ‘booby traps’. I also suffer from depression, anxiety and stress. I am alone when I need love and emotional support. I am a silent victim of PTSD. Who am I? I am the loving wife and carer of a NI Veteran. Thank you for your site. As the wife of an ex UK Serviceman who is currently fighting the MOD for a pension after they diagnosed and ‘treated’ him (they said he was cured as he ‘said he was OK’ on discharge), it is great to see so much support for the ‘unforgotten victims of war’. We have learned so much about PTSD over the last 5 years from the Vietnam Veterans here in OZ but find it difficult to get help for issues that face families of younger veterans, especially with small children like us. It is good to see that so much is being done in the UK that we may be able to tap into. We would like to prevent our children if possible from one day appearing on some of the horrible statistics relating to Vietnam Veterans Children. I’m sure the MOD think they sent one serviceman to war and have forgotten the 4 soldiers battling the rest of their lives. If any wives/carers or Veterans have anything they can offer us or just want a chat we are at worrolls@tpg.com.au. Keep up the good work we will be visiting here often.

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Date: 01 Apr 2003
Time: 15:01:31

Comments
Andy having just visited your site, I am aware that there is a lack of info regarding guidance and help for relationship issues ( Communication between couples). I am a sufferer and know the difficulty within my own relationship (over the past 8yrs). We all have needs but our vision gets blocked by our introspection and selfish/selfcenteredness when we go of on one. I feel that further education between couples would not only be preventative but is necessary for healthy relationships. see (Time for Families) this may help. My love to all in pain and hurt your not alone. Terry

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Date: 05 Apr 2003
Time: 13:53:07

Comments
I’m a studentgirl from Poland Thank U for materials about PTSD. Good Luck I wish U all the best and I hope that someday U all forget about war.

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Date: 09 Apr 2003
Time: 13:40:44

Comments
This is an excellent site! As a qualified counsellor I particularly like the comment “it is a normal response to an abnormal situation”. Good luck I only hope this will reach those who really need it.

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Date: 13 Apr 2003
Time: 21:30:22

Comments
Hi. I found a link to your site from another one to do with PTSD. I think it’s wonderful to have this online resourse and support. I think the biggest problem that most people have is the problem of not having a place to freely and openly talk about their real experiences and thoughts.
I personally know PTSD but mine relates to childhood and growing up experiences, and yeah, a violent rape by a stranger at age 19 (I didn’t press charges even tho the police and hospital were upset with me and wanted me to. Nowaday they can press charges on their own, and would, a wierd gynaechologist at age 28 (I never told about that one but one day, 10 years later, I read a news story about a lot of other women who came forward in a class action lawsuit and charges against him for having done a lot of the same things to me. Some women received much worse from him. TEN YEARS LATER It all came out!!!
I’ve gone thru a lot of guilt for having said nothing that could have stopped him from doing his thing for another 10 years with his other patients. I still feel so bad about that part.
You all know the dynamic of “spacing/dissociating” etc. Well, I was pretty good at it. (smile) Also the hypervigilance. The flashbacks. The nightmares. The whole 9 yards. Yep I know.
PTSD is PTSD is PTSD … and it can effect every aspect of life and all relationships, especially the most important relationship… the one with yourself.
So YES… I’m very glad to have all this coming out into the open, especially for our soldiers. Canada is getting better at recognizing PTSD as a valid stress related response that needs help and support and needs to be especially available to our military service people. I think on the whole, it sounds as though service people have really been ignored and forgotten once they served their time.
We can’t let the governments forget who does the dirty work, and the suffering, for the sake of making life better.
I’m sorry… am babbling on here. I’m doing ok but haven’t publicly talked much about some things…like the not telling on that Dr Wierd.
Don’t take any you-know-what hey? And by the way… I have nothing but the deepest respect and gratitude for those of you who actually went and did and do “the dirty work” for the rest of us, military, police, paramedics…and so on. Thumbs up and hats off :-) !!!!!!! C from Canada

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Date: 22 Apr 2003
Time: 23:55:00

Comments
Hi Andy
This weekend was my first chance to take a reality check and face the music!!!
As an ex Falklands vet & 3 tours of Northern Ireland, I like most have seen, done and been a apart of some god damn awful sites? These task/ops we carried out on our fellow man, which we were of course trained to do!! I guess that’s where the whole thing falls down! After the tour, conflict, operation or what ever flowery name they like to call it, you have a couple of weeks R & R and then back into learning how do it all over again… “And I wonder why I am “*^”*+ in the head”I left the services 12 years ago and I have always run away for from the real reason for my Nightmares, aggression, evil temper, need for control, marriage and relationship breakdowns, lost contact with my 2 sons, financial yoyo, drinking to oblivion to mention just a few….I am researching all avenues to see what help I can get for my illness, I would just like to say thank you for helping so many share and talk about their problems, with likeminded humans………James jamesgs1@yahoo.com

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Date: 29 Apr 2003
Time: 23:18:12

Comments
From one Audley Court vet to another. Great job keep up the work. The more the world gets to know about PTSD the less injustice there will be for ex forces when the world goes pear shaped for them. Nothing wrong with me the worlds screwed up

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Date: 02 May 2003
Time: 00:07:54

Comments
Hi, I have just come out of treatment for alcoholism, while there I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had no Idea that what I was experiencing for the last 20 yrs ( guilt,shame,nightmares,loss of self-worth)you know the symptoms were a result of PTSD. Am an ex-RM who saw and did what no man should in NI in the early 80′s. Am just starting treatment for PTSD, if only there were sites like this all those yrs ago I might not be the mental wreck I am now.
Mark

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Date: 07 May 2003
Time: 19:30:59

Comments
Just been on your web sight SOME OF THESE SYMPTOMS ARE SCARY BUT JUST ITS MEEEEE jOHN.

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Date: 07 May 2003
Time: 19:32:57

Comments
Just been on your web sight, SOME OF THESE SYMPTOMS ARE VERY SCARRY. J J

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Date: 12 May 2003
Time: 03:55:27

Comments
andy, excellant site i know,vietnam 68

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Date: 16 May 2003
Time: 20:39:27

Comments
Hi Andy,
My name is Ron Visser staf sergeant in the royal netherlands Army, i served into Lebanon, Sinai(israel) and Gulf and Bosnia, my wive and 4 childeren left me because my PTSD, and i live now at my own, good site ! Ron Visser unifil1980@msn.com www.bluehelmet.nl

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Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 19:14:36

Comments
stumbled onto your site i have tourette syndrome iwas called up for national service 1957 sent to the royal arritillary the mental and phychicalabuse was inhumane medicall disharged and thrown out why

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Date: 20 May 2003
Time: 11:14:32

Comments
Hi,Andy EXCELLENT site,I am honoured to sign your guestbook.I was born into the Army and then went on to serve.I look at things this way,We meaning,All of us took part in the ultimate competitions,in history,Now if life is about competition,and economics,wich fair enough we can accept that,Why is the M.O.D. being so economical with the truth.My own Army career was brought to an abrupt end after only 2 years due to P.T.S.D. wich was and is still denied,I have all the usual labels,and would firmly agree with Andy who the hell,can you trust.I have Renamed my P.T.S.D. as Product,of a Twisted,Sick,Democracy.if as no doubt the brave penpushers,in M.O.D. read this then please feel free to exercise your democratic right and bloody well sue me. Best wishes to all who visit this site. Regards Andy and many thanks. Mike

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Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 21:52:01

Comments
Firstly, Thankyou Andy for producing this wonderfully useful and informative website. Secondly, my heart goes out to all PTSD sufferers, I have it myself, though due to domestic violence. I have not come to terms with what happened to me, so I have found it useful to research military PTSD, and have found it helpful to know that others out there have the same symptoms as I (even though of course the causes are different, but can be considered similar on some levels). After 2 years of wondering what the hell was happening to me, I was diagnosed by my GP, and was put on an NHS waiting list. While waiting I tried to claim compensation, but found that because my case hadn’t been recorded properly….seen as ‘simply a domestic – leave it alone’, I missed out on £12,000 compensation. I didn’t get a penny. Hearing the news yesterday, that the Falklands Veterans had been denied compensation, reminded me of how I felt when I lost out on my compensation. I decided to reach out and do something – so, as well as writing this message I am going to work to raise the profile of PTSD in the military. Work is already being done in the domestic violence area, and in my opinion, the military issue requires more attention. I am now a civilian instructor at my local Air Training Corps. I hope to work my way up to RAF VR(T). I’m going to raise money by doing sponsored events for relevant PTSD charities. Please post any suggestions to ket@broodyhen.co.uk Thankyou, and Best wishes.

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Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 19:25:07

Comments
Hi Andy,I just discovered your site and I found it as theraputic as the twenty odd years of therapy,the hundreds of gallons of bells whisky and the boxes and boxes of anti deppressants. Not to mention the four wives and the children who grew up with no daddy.I have been in Canada since demob in 76 and I guess the point I am trying to make is that after all these years, I decided to apply for a disability pension and so I found THE ROYAL BRITISH LEGION website and everything you need is right there.Even for me living in Canada it was a relativly easy process.Anyway you British vets, the government owes us big time so get claiming

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Date: 25 May 2003
Time: 09:13:25

Comments
My 8year old son asked me DAD? WHY DO PEOPLE TELL LIES, I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT ONE AND SAID SON,ASK YOUR LOCAL M.P.THEY HAVE GOT IT OF TO A FINE ART.

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Date: 25 May 2003
Time: 20:59:59

Comments
Hi, first I want to thank you for this page, it is very helpful! Ok, I know someone that started being depressed, without concentration, she lost her memories about the teen years, had nightmares, confusion. She says she knows something happened (she is remembering now),but she does not know exactily what, when she gets in the point of the supposed trauma , she can’t remember. She has been diagnosed as a schizophrenic person though… But everything started when she was living at risk to be in traumatic situation…
My question is: Could she being suffering of PTSD, instead of Schizophrenia?
Could a trauma develop a mental illness, such as Schizo…?
Please send me your opinion, it’ll be really helpful,
Thank you so much!

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Date: 26 May 2003
Time: 09:13:49

Comments
hi mate im stan standish and am the NW rep for sama 82 if there is anything i can do to help re pensions and getting people to hospital ect i have all the direct contacts to do that with out hassle e mail me on stansama82@btopenworld.com regards stan

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Date: 26 May 2003
Time: 16:06:56

Comments
So the Judgement went against the veterans in the court case against the MOD. Once again the government are being allowed to do an ostritch impression, bury their heads in the sand and pretend they owe nothing to those service personnel suffering from PTSD! Its nice to know that our justice system still isn’t out there for those who need it the most! Does this mean that once this Gulf war is over it will be another ten or twenty years until the next set of veterans are going to have the trauma of PTSD hit them and still have nowhere to go and no one to turn to?

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Date: 29 May 2003
Time: 01:35:12

Comments
I did not know what was wrong with me. One day I put a .357mag bullet in my chest. The V.A. told me I had P.T.S.D. , after thay learned my history. All I can say now is I’m starting to get help, and thank you for your web site.

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Date: 30 May 2003
Time: 01:03:13

Comments
iam mark 33 i served in bosnia in 92,i have served in the gulf and 4 times in ni.i like you have ptsd.earlmark@hotmail.com

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Date: 31 May 2003
Time: 21:48:27

Comments
Oh God! Thank You!

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Date: 04 Jun 2003
Time: 14:10:25

Comments
Have found your web-site excellent. I served as a chaplain in the British Army for 25 years (1967 – 1992) and argued before and after the first Gulf War for the psychological preparation of service personnel for combat and for debriefing or defusing when they came home and for ongoing monitoring and support but, like some others, was not listened to.
I now work as a consultant and trainer specialising in post-trauma stress and PTSD.
Frank Parkinson

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Date: 06 Jun 2003
Time: 09:09:41

Comments
ANDY, After putting my comments on your site, I have since been approached by a psychologist who seems to be trying to understand and help, PEOPLE with P.T.S.D. however,after 2 sessions with this poor man,during wich I asked him to face his own fears and recognize the fact,that his inexperience is preventing him from any good intention he may have in assisting the treatment of P.T.S.D. he told me “Fairly I believe”,that he has a great deal to learn,and that in some 17 years in his work in psychology,he feels humbled by the work done by your website. I would welcome your comments Andy and best wishes to Nigel, see comments 18/8/02 well done Mate: Any contact welcome via the email train. M.wyness@btinternet.com

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Date: 15 Jun 2003
Time: 11:17:10

Comments
I don’t think that i had PTSD, but i went through all the symptoms when i got out the ARMY in 2001 after serving 23 years. The MOD just don’t want to know you when you leave. Only wish i had seen the WEB site earlier. I have got my self sorted out now But i do feel for all the people that do have PTSD and i think that this WEB site will help.

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Date: 16 Jun 2003
Time: 21:39:00

Comments
Andy its Mike again,Hi and please for the good of everyone who uses the site can you please reply to my email messages,I have recently come into contact with David from www.ptsd999.org.uk and would ask anyone who feels able to contact him to please do so without delay,This guy is going out of his way to help in the fight for P.T.S.D. sufferers with little help from anyone,Surely someone can spare 2 minutes to email him. Regards as always to all.

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Date: 22 Jun 2003
Time: 19:10:14

Comments
ANDY woner if any of the Medical people would like to take part in a sponsored Parachute Jump in support of PTSD Applications From Psychologists especially welcome full details available from, www.trauma999.co.uk Regards as usual to all. m.wyness@btinternet.com

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Date: 01 Jul 2003
Time: 18:28:07

Comments
Hia Andy, thanks so much for a wonderful site. Only wish I had known about this site years ago. I am no longer alone……may catch you at Audley Court when I am dropping my husband off sometime….Jennie

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Date: 01 Jul 2003
Time: 21:29:06

Comments
Andy, Could I pass this message to all former N.I. SUFFERERS of PTSD, YES!! There is real HELP out there,and IF!! YOU are SERIOUS about needing HELP, From This Countries Leading,and FULLY QUALIFIED,MANs Man, Wifes Girlfriends or CARERS , PLEASE PLEASE,Pick up the phone and ring,DAVE+ANNE BENNETT NOW!!! Tel:01792-521063. DO you WANT TO Wait for another GOD Knows how many years: if you cant ring please email,www.trauma999.co.uk Thank You Sandberet you are a brilliant BLOKES BLOKE

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Date: 01 Jul 2003
Time: 21:59:56

Comments
i am not an ex service person, however my father is. whilst trawling the net i found your site i was diagnosed as having ptsd following a car accident and found the information on anxiety and how to cope very usefull. thanks, shame there are not more sites like this one. makes me realise im not alone and not going completely mad.

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Date: 05 Jul 2003
Time: 13:48:57

Comments
This is a most amazing and heartwarming site. I cannot tell you how much this site will mean to so very many people who have suffered in the past, and may suffer in the future. You are to be commended for this tireless work and I will be making sure everyone I know hears about you from both word of mouth and through a site I am a member of.
Victoria Evans Yellow Ribbon Foundation

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Date: 07 Jul 2003
Time: 10:14:57

Comments
What a superb site.
I am a serving police officer, who suffered a ‘breakdown due to work load’ whilst serving on a traffic department, and having dealt with 30 fatal collisions in a 2 year span. I have struggled with depression and discrimination since that date. Today someone suggested I may suffer from PTSD and I found your site through a search engine – It certainly answers an awful lot of my questions. Now perhaps I can start to do something about it, shame I didn’t realise it 2 years ago. Thanks again.

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Date: 10 Jul 2003
Time: 09:42:37

Comments
Andy, We have just visited your web-site again this morning. It is very good. Keep up the good work, and remember that COMBAT STRESS is there to help the service veterans who come to you seeking advice
Toby Elliott

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Date: 11 Jul 2003
Time: 09:26:36

Comments
This is an excellent site…Having all the to-the point needed no-nonsense details about PTSD and stress…
I am not a war veteran…I am a normal workplace victim…Still I can feel how this feels…
Thanks for the service
Muthu

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Date: 13 Jul 2003
Time: 21:20:55

Comments
Andy, AS A HUMAN BEING TO ANOTHER, I have Just heard a Radio Wales Program, during wich a very GOOD and KIND MAN, who goes by the name GUS,Describe P.T.S.D. as Experienced FIRST HAND FROM THE FALKLANDS WAR, Can anyone then continue to DENY This Man and his Family any Kind of HUMAN COMPASSION,may I suggest that ANY Former Members of,9Para,sqn,R.E. Who know GUS please make contact I Know this guy and recognize the TOTAL DISTRESS he continues to Suffer to this Day,wich is putting an Enormous Strain on his Family AS well as Himself Gus has TOLD his TRUTH on Radio Wich I think speaks volumes about His courage and His Total Rejection of VIOLENCE in all its forms. Mike.

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Date: 13 Jul 2003
Time: 21:43:40

Comments
andy, Just popped into Mikes House,To see as he told me,that I am not MAD at all,but am suffering from a normal reaction to an abnormal experience, am a bit pissed at the moment as usual but find it helps me get along is he rite or am i fucking nuts cos i was in the falklands and it was a shithole from the start the missus has gone now dont blame her a bit got to go hope you have good luck with wat you are doing i am fucked up and only ever speak to mike wen im totaled bye mates

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Date: 14 Jul 2003
Time: 04:36:30

Comments
“Thought on War” Deng-Ming Dao, a taoist monk several thousand years before Christ
…If you hold a real weapon in your hand, you will feel its character strongly. It begs to be used. It is fearsome. Its only purpose is death, and its power is not just in the material from which it is made, but also from the intention of its maker. It is regrettable that weapons must be used, but occasionally, survival demands it. The wise go forth with weapons only as a last resort. They never rejoice in the skill of weapons, nor do they glorify war. When death, pain and destruction are visited upon what you hold to be most sacred, the spiritual price is devastating. What hurts more than one’s own suffering is bearing witness to the suffering of others. The regret of seeing human beings at their worst and sheer pain of not being able to help the victims can never be redeemed. If you go personally to war, you cross the line yourself. You sacrifice ideals for survival and fury of killing. That alters you forever. That is why no one rushes to be a soldier. Think before you want to change so unalterably. The stakes are not merely one’s life, but one’s very own humanity.
…I served as an army nurse in Viet Nam 1970. PTSD is the monster that alienates me from any happiness. Once I think it is under control, the fire starts all over again. It is an honor to post on your site. Thank you…

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Date: 19 Jul 2003
Time: 10:25:27

Comments
Hi,ANDY. JUST A QUICK MESSAGE,IT SEEMS THERE ARE A FEW GROUPS OUT THERE,USING THE ISSUE OF P.T.S.D. AS A MONEY MAKING EXCERCISE,OR TO LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCES ON YOUR SITE,OF REAL PEOPLE AND THEN SHOOT OFF TO GET QUALIFICATIONS FOR THEMSELVES!! NOW THAT!! IS A PERSONAL INSULT!!! TO EVERYONE WHO COMES FORWARD AND PUTS REAL LIFE!! FACTS AND GENUINE EXPERIENCES!! OF P.T.S.D. ON THE SITE. AS ANY OF US KNOW IT IS HARD ENOUGH TO TALK ABOUT P.T.S.D. TO END THIS MANKY PRACTICE BY THOSE WHO SEEK TO GAIN,FROM REAL VETERANS LIFE EXPERIENCES AND THE FUTURE OF THEIRS AND THEIR FAMILIES FUTURE WELFARE,A REAL!! GROUP OF PEOPLE HAVE TAKEN ACTION TO ADDRESS THIS SUBJECT,PLEASE SEE MESSAGE POSTED AT,www.trauma999.co.uk AS ANY EX-SQUADDIE WILL TELL YOU, AN EYE FULL IS BETTER THAN AN EARFULL. ASK THEM ABOUT “SANDBERET” aka SANDY. Good luck to all and BELIEVE me WE are THERE for all,Including FAMILIES who are getting a RAW DEAL AS PER USUAL: Mike

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Date: 21 Jul 2003
Time: 20:12:59

Comments
I don’t go about shouting off my mouth about the time I’ve spent in uniform but if I let it slip in a conversation, invariably I’m asked…”Did you see action?” I have learnt to count to 10.If this person asking the question, means did I serve time in trenchs or see pitched battles, the answer is NO! Did I get to see the results of the lowest form of human barbarism perpetrated by so called “FREEDOM FIGHTERS” then the answer is YES!When I look at pictures of myself in uniform, a super fit, tanned, confident looking 22 year old corporal, I wonder why I looked so cocky? I had seen Villages burnt to the ground, herds of cattle slaughted, bloated in the sun, blackened fields, hospitals & schools destroyed and smelled that gut churning strench of decaying human flesh, learning to cope with that old army idiosyncrasy of “Hurry up and waite” and hoping like hell if and when the shit hits the fan during follow up operations and hot persuits against these “FREEDOM FIGHTERS” that I don’t get it in the neck etc.And this was long before the term “ethnic cleansing” was coined. I lost 3 school friends ( one as a result of wounds sustained during a land mine blast [I wasn't present, but helped bury what was left of him,in a full military style funeral], one as a result of friendly fire [I think], one has been in & out of mental hospitals for 20 years)so I guess I’m the lucky one! Still haven’t been able to decide why I tried to kill myself a year after completing my service? No problem, my Dad managed to get it right when he topped himself in ’87. He had served against the Mau Mau in Kenya, who knows what his experiences were? He never really spoke about them. My wife… has tried to figure all this out but after 18 years of nightmares & long silences, binge drinking, self pity & occasional out-bursts of self destructive rage, I think she has all but given up.And if you ever get to meet me, you’d probably think “I appear to be a very normal looking guy!” I’m not sure if I will find the answers I need in this amazing web site, but I hope for me it’s going to be a small step in the right direction.Thank you.

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Date: 24 Jul 2003
Time: 09:56:34

Comments
I was a Police Officer for 29 years, and was injured five years before retirement. Now,10 years on from the injury, I am suffering terribly. The world is divided into two camps isn’t it .. those who can run from danger and those who through duty run towards it. And don’t we pay the price! This site has been a help to me, there is a perverse comfort in knowing you are not drowning on your own. I will get help. Thanks.

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Date: 30 Jul 2003
Time: 21:04:09

Comments
Andy well what can i say! i have gone through your site with the usual apprehention and fear of what might be and its now offical. I am a nutter! IM eddie. Now 28 but at 19 serving in Bosnia in 1995. I have been diagnosed with PTSD by the MOD and yes even them! THE WAR PENSIONS MOB! I Occasionally Visit Auldey Court (HI to all the lads) You KNOW WHO U ARE! LOL! I must admit its a little grounding to go through a tick list with your wife and just say, Yep to every entry! But on the other hand reading some of these notices in your guest book is reassuring and comforting in a strange way. We are not alone! We may have been abandoned by our “Family” the Army, Navy, RAF etc, but we do all have one thing in common……EACH OTHER! The only Thing i can possibly think of to improve your site would to have a small chat room or somthing? So that even at Daft:oclock in the morning if u feel like it, There are other people out there.( None of us sleep anyway…Too many Meds)!!! To at least chat to or just sit in and listen. A privallige not too many of us get before its too late and your sat with a community shrink asking ” So why did u suddenly feel you are worthless”? Or the age old classic ” I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH”!!!!!!! PS: im still working through the “Twisted Thinking” page! :) Again thanks for the site and to ANYone out there there is a light at the end of the tunnel….SOMEWHERE! My best wishes to all… Eddie. eddiebedzy@hotmail.com.

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Date: 19 Aug 2003
Time: 01:52:15

Comments
well andy im back again. its daft oclock in the morning, im tired, my mind is doing somersaults, I cant think straight, i feel lonley and scared. I have a caring wonderful god knows how “understanding” wife and 2 small amazing chilren and im still too scared of the nightmares to go to bed and be with the ones i love. But… yet again reading this page has helped me realsise that im not alone in the way i feel. Im not wrong to have the feelings i have.
That maybe, just maybe if i opened up those that are asleep upstairs totally unware that im down here night after night, day after day. and told them about my ghosts my hurt and pain just a little bit more, I wouldnt feel so insecure in my own home and so terrified of whats in my head. so that one day soon i will learn to let sleeping dogs lie.
And get some sleep myself……………..
yours Eddie Beddoes eddiebedzy@hotmail.com

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Date: 23 Aug 2003
Time: 14:33:41

Comments
I served in Northern Ireland in the 80s and had a couple of bad experiences there. Since i left the Army i have suffered Loss of sleep ( i only sleep about 3 hrs max sometimes 5 if im lucky ) I have a hair trigger temper, suffer from stress, worry all the time about everything, Heart palpitations and the occasional nightmare. I thought i was the only one, strange really as people i have spoken to since have informed me they suffer from simaler things. I have just stumbled on your site and would like to thank you for taking the time and the effort to put together this web site. Now i truly know that im really not alone. Virtutis Fortuna Comes

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Date: 05 Sep 2003
Time: 20:13:50

Comments
Greetings. This is a great site. Thanks to the webmasters and their dedication. PTSD after military activities is an incredible journey of personal discovery. Those recurring stressors which popped up when least expected. Those nights when I survived on cigarettes and whiskey and two hours sleep. Those months turning into years when I thought I was the only person with the symptoms. Those employment interviews where young men and women thought ex-service men and women were closely related to criminals. Those months turning into years when I could not explain nor face another amatuer “shrink” at a Job Centre repeatedly asking why I had so many gaps in my employment track record. In 2000 it took a lot of persuasion from a veteran friend in Australia that I was not alone. At first, the flush of hot, cold, anger and intrusion into private matters were overwhelming. The friend, another Vietnam Veteran, knew most of my background and yet it took almost another year for me to make contact with the Australian Department of Veterans’ Affairs, who in turn arranged my assessments with Combat Stress, Newport, Shropshire. My old tin box was well and truly opened at Combat Stress and out tumbled the Vietnam War and those years immediately following when a considerable number of my collegues had similar military lifestyles to my own. Let’s hope they’ve all now recognised their own difficulties and sought help. Two years down the track, at age sixty something years, my life is just turning the corner – not better – but not worse. Going to Combat Stress at Newport, Shropshire has been a great boost where I’ve had the honour of meeting veterans from NI, Falklands, Bosnia, Gulf and a few other campaigns soon forgotten by the general public. Thanks to all, consultants, care managers, fellow veterans and most of all the generous public who make places like the British Combat Stress centres viable. Without the public support our stress would never be known. Ron. Ex Australian Defence Forces.

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Date: 07 Sep 2003
Time: 09:33:11

Comments
You said that you served with the 13/18 hussars and Light Dragoons but you dont mention what your name is?

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Date: 07 Sep 2003
Time: 20:25:00

Comments
dont feel alone….you are not, dont feel ashamed……..there is no need, dont feel weak………there is no need, dont explain…….there is no need, I feel for each and everyone of us, never forget, there is hope, best wishes fletch

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Date: 13 Sep 2003
Time: 03:46:16

Comments
Thankyou for your candid web site. As an american servicewoman (USAF 1975-80)who has both PTSD and Bipolar disorders your humor is greatly appreciated. It brings a personal humanity to what would otherwise be just another place for dry info to be gathered.

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Date: 18 Sep 2003
Time: 21:44:08

Comments
I have had PTSD for 21 years (NI)but did not know what was wrong, wrongly diagnosed with Malaria and ME. the only sites available were American so it is refressing to stumble across this one. The MOD and Veterans Agency just do not want to know, they just want us to go away. We need some kind of self-help/ self-advocacy like this.

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Date: 19 Sep 2003
Time: 16:45:21

Comments
interesting reading, same old stuff, ex squaddies up to their neck in shit, no help, useless doctors, psychiatrists etc, stuffed by the MOD and veterans agency. good site hate the anthem (a psychological tool for mass suicide)

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Date: 22 Sep 2003
Time: 13:38:31

Comments
It is comforting to know there are others who have these nightmares as I do, but the scarry thing is just how long will I have them. It does ruin my life at times and it not only affects me but my family also. This is a very good and welcome web site.

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Date: 23 Sep 2003
Time: 12:00:05

Comments
suffer with this problem,this side is very usefull for me ,thank you,F de weijer, Eindhoven,the netherlands

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Date: 01 Oct 2003
Time: 10:26:17

Comments
looks like many PTSD cases in the armed forces was admin discharged this way
I JOINED UP TO FIGHT AND PROTECT MY COUNTRY AND WOULD EVEN DIE FOR IT. BUT AFTER TWELVE YEARS DEDICATED SERVICE THEY KICKED ME AND MY FAMILY OUT ON THE STREETS.FOR WHAT REASON BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO SAVE MONEY ON MY ARMY PENSION BY NOT ALLOWING ME TO SERVE A FULL CAREER. SO WHAT PRIDE DO I HAVE IN MY COUNTRY NOW, NONE.” A DISGRUNTLED SOLDIER LEFT ON THE SCRAPHEAP BY THE MOD AT ONLY 30 YEARS OF AGE 2001) “The Ministry of Defence is facing a highly damaging court case brought by some of the thousands of soldiers forced out of the Army to save money on pensions”(Telegraph 23.6.03) “Squaddies to sue over £1bn scandal troops they say were tricked and bullied” the former soldiers are to sue the Army for “stealing” up to £1billion in wages and pensions.(The Mirror 23.6.03) “Thousands of soldiers may have been duped into early retirement and deprived of their pension rights under a scheme that has saved the Ministry of Defence at least £500m and possibly far more”(TheGuardian 24.6.03) “It seems ridiculous that, once again, our soldiers and sailors and airmen are having to resort to the law in order to get the kind benefits and the kind of rights that any decent employer would give them.(Paul keetch MP ,BBC News 23,06.03)
visit this site for information http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/TheBrownletter/

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Date: 01 Oct 2003
Time: 21:12:53

Comments
I posted my first message on 21/7 20:12 and have come back to this site several times, to re-read my offering & check out new messages. I think some how things are turning the corner for me, no miracles but reading through this site and actually trying to get through the day with out reliving or going down the “when we” path helps a lot. Call it denial, it helps alot, until some *ick-Head at work tells me about this great PC game in which the player(s) get to toss grenades into crowded rooms? Christ gimme strenghth! But some how I avoided giving My short, sharp opinion of such activities : ) By the way am I the only ex: vet who does not understand these “paint ball” gamers? People who dress in camo & pretend to kill their buddies? Am I missing the point? Friends… try it for real, 5.56 & 7.62 rounds are real forgiving & very funny, provided they end up in the other poor SOB’s body! I’ve tried to keep up with what’s happening in Iraq and it seems to me (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) the same mistakes are being made & a whole new crop of mentally damaged individuals will be with us very shortly? Well buddies, welcome to the club, hopefully those of us, who have been here for a while, might just be in a position to give you a few tips. Hell’s teeth, still sending teenages out as legal killers and wondering why the come back (if they are lucky) a bit deranged. Time will tell. ‘Till next time my friends, take care.

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Date: 04 Oct 2003
Time: 03:19:41

Comments
I’m having these weird anxiety dreams that do not seem to have anything to do with the war [Iraq]. I wake up feeling like a ten year old waiting to get a spanking for breaking something. My heart is pounding and I’ve usually only been asleep for about 3-4 hours. What I remember of the dreams is stupid stuff like being late for something. So I end up sitting in bed, heart pounding, unable to go back to sleep and feeling like a dumb ass because of it.
notright

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Date: 25 Oct 2003
Time: 21:34:57

Comments
ok its that fateful time of year again. Reliving the pain and anxiety. The annual anniversary of my “ACCIDENT” I suffer from “FMLAD” (“Fast moving lead absorbstion disorder”) This is my 3rd post on this site now and i always turn here when i feel in need to relate to people. PTSD sheesh! again i feel really stressed and hyper sensitive short tempered and desperatly lost. God almighty modern medicine wheres the miracle cure all the shrinks keep talking about? If anyone knows pls tell me………..
eddiebedzy@hotmail.com

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Date: 26 Oct 2003
Time: 18:54:26

Comments
iv had ptsd for years, northern ireland, good site , the thing that really bugs me is, if i want info of help or advice with coping with my disorder, i have had to visit ozzie,usa,websites, when are we getting a department for veterans affairs, this country’s veterans have to beg off charities for help,,i seved my country,,,not a charity,,,,,,,we need a uk d.v.a ,its a disgrace, how veterans are treated,by governments of this country p.gower

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Date: 02 Nov 2003
Time: 05:54:45

Comments
THANKS ANDY FOR AN EXCELLENT PAGE READING ABOUT SO MANY PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME HAS HELPED ME REALISE IM NOT ALONE.I PROUDLY SERVED IN THE ROYAL ULSTER CONSTABULARY AND LIKE SO MANY OTHERS PAYING FOR 30 YEARS OF CONFLICT IN N.IRELAND WITH PTSD NOW THERE ARE BETTER TIMES HERE THE GOVERNMENT WANT TO PETEND IT DIDNT HAPPEN AND EVEN TRY TO MAKE YOU FEEL AS IF IT WAS OUR FAULT WHEN THEY DISHED OUT THE FINAL INSULT BY DISBANDING THE RUC TO FORM THE POLICE SERVICE OF N. IRELAND…..T

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Date: 04 Nov 2003
Time: 13:29:14

Comments
its a long time since i left the army and no one could understand why I still felt bitter. It was not the army that I hated it was what happenede while I was serving that I couild not come to terms with. I was involved in a very serious road accident whilst in belize and no one seemed to understand how much pain I was in. I had laid in a coma for 6 weeks and after coming round I felt that people expected me to carry on as if everything was normaland as I wanted to get back into things i tried like any soldier would put as time progressed things start to get worseand then noone seems to relise that you no longer have the drive or the will to do the things that you did prior to the incident and do not seem to relise that your way of thought has changed and the way you see things has changed. prior to the accident I was on my way up the promotion ladder and every one having high hopes for me then all of a sudden you no longer care what happens and all they see is someone gone of the rails and do the best they can to make you suffer more than you are. that is until one day some one sees that you have a problem and that the problem is medical and then they try and get you help and feel sorry for you and personaly that I was glad of the help I started getting but was it the right help. Its now 15 years since been medicaly discharged from the army and its only now that some bright spark says or by the way you suffer from PTSD yeh OK WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? now that I no whats wrong with me what do I do now or your not mad just a bit confused that an under statement. the good news is that an organisation called combat stress has arranged for me to go into audley court for some tests and hopefully things might seem a bit clearer in the future. sorry if all this seems a bit depressing but i have waited for a long time for someone to tell me that i have some thing wrong with me and its got a name yeh I feel a bit let down about that as the sayingh goe’s thing can only get better TC

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Date: 04 Nov 2003
Time: 15:03:27

Comments
Regarding the charity Combat Stress – I’ve decided to be a fundraiser for them. I’m currently arranging to do a Wing Walk next year, wearing only a bikini. Hopefully I should raise loads of cash for Audley House & the other Combat Stress help units around the country. More news will be posted as it arises.

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Date: 14 Nov 2003
Time: 08:14:37

Comments
Thanks for the information. Marcus Leddy Viet Nam 69-71

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Date: 22 Nov 2003
Time: 02:45:42

Comments
I think it is excellent and it’s encouraging to see there is somethng out there to help people traumatised by the horrors of war. Currently the MoD are useless at recognising there is a serious problem with its preparation and post war care not too mention little if no support whatsoever for the loved ones around the victim who often feel as lonely and scared about the changes they watched their loved ones going through. Becki

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Date: 25 Nov 2003
Time: 15:21:38

Comments
A very good, useful and well made website Andy. Thanks. Here’s a warning for Vets who have PTSD and are making applications for a War Pension to the Veterans Agency.
A WARNING ABOUT WAR PENSIONS.
Anyone who would like to hear about John’s problems with the War Pensions agency please feel free to email him at his address below but unfortunately I had to remove his article as it was putting both me and my website in danger of possible litigation.
Johns email address is as follows: johnkerr244@yahoo.co.uk.
John I know you will understand why I did this. please email me if you are not happy or need to talk about it at andy@ptsd.org.uk.
Take care my friend and good luck in your quest for justice.

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Date: 26 Nov 2003
Time: 20:55:22

Comments
This is for john kerr, i am sorry you seem to be having a poor time with the WPA, i was diagnosed twth PTSD about 7 or 8 years ago and when i put in a calim for a further condition it took almst 6 months from start to finish and they then admited liability and paid me extra on my war pension to cover the PTSD, i have since put in for further conditions and a deteriation claim & it’s taken about 6 months for them to give me desisions on them also any time i phone them the help line are always fantastic, im not sure waht he answer to your problems are mate but sstck with it and push them all the way those of us who suffer now for what we did for our country then deserve some recompence. if you need any help or jsut need to sound off email me at terryb@familiesreunited.org same goes for any one who needs help or just to talk about things. keep it real Lads

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Date: 27 Nov 2003
Time: 16:03:48

Comments
I suffer from ptsd, not from combat but from a car crash. Not one physician that I went to diagnosed me. I ended up diagnosising myself and informed the professionals/ psychiatrist, general practioner what my diagnosis/problem is. What a bunch a quacks around here. They do not care about the patients. We all know what a great facility Duke Hospital is.

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Date: 27 Nov 2003
Time: 17:04:14

Comments
i have just lost my case perse against the mod for compensation i didnt want.but every defence they destroyed my case with will hold them in future to look for treat and prevent my brothers and sisters in arms from going through and enduring alone.they cannot put the same defence up twice after this.so my will is done.watch this space for my book. love to the people who have died for our freedom.

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Date: 04 Dec 2003
Time: 15:12:53

Comments
Hi combat stress (Hollybush house) introduced me to your site and after reading all the comments left by others i can really relate to them, However i may have been diagnosed with PTSD from various conflicts and other things that has happened to me. But nothing is worse than fighting a battle to win your wife and kids back after 20 years of mental tourment and verbal abuse. Many guys i have spoke to are on their 2nd 3rd some their 4th wife, but i am only on my first and after 20 years of marriage there is no way i am going to let this thing break us up. Yes i have been a B*”tard to her and the kids and now that i know how to deal with this illness i am planning my biggest battle yet to win them back. I have just won my first battle and now it’s time to win my second. Most of you guys out there now wat i am talking about so dont let this defeat you it took me 20 years to find out that i was not alone and your wives are not alone either seek help before it get’s to late it nearly did for me so get help and sort yourselves out.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE

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Date: 08 Dec 2003
Time: 16:12:30

Comments
Hey, well I dont know where to begin to ask this. I have read through the site in order to try and gain understanding for an essay about PTSD and military/emergency services personnel. Afterwards I felt I would read through these messages. I am actually studying disaster management and although I dont think I shall ever see frontline action, I may well be in situations of conflict in a few years and may see the sights some of you have. How ever many times people tell you not to, or why would you want to go ahead and do this sort of job, I think the answer is the same you guys probably gave those of you who made the choice) because you felt you could help? Well, it looks as if you are the ones asking for help now – but whats wrong with that? Tell me, I wish to know – not for my own perverse pleasure, but to put into perspective my studies. There seems to be a black and white answer with a heavy dose of pity against those who suffer, but I dont think that goes anywhere near what those of you who have identified yourselves with PTSD are living with. I would apprechiate anythign you leave, and it wont enter my essay. Thanks, Miss.C

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Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 01:47:29

Comments
hello all, I am an x-serviceman from the Vietnam War. I served two years as an infantryman Company C 2/327th Infantry 101st Airborne. (combat tracker and dog handler). I saw lots of things and that would make a normal person go insane, of which I am. This site is a good one and I refer to it often. I knew then, when I was twenty and discharged that some thing was terribly wrong with me, but had no idea what it was I was messed up bad and never even knew. I went through 4 marriages, drugs and alcohol, disruptive and anger, jail fights. many many thingds but in 1997 I finally had a wife who loved me enough to force me to the Veterans Hospital, The rest is history but I am still very very ill. I get therapy 3 times a week, physical therapy for wounds twice a week. But I now know that I am not insane, just ill and have a wife who loves me very much…….David Williamson

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Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 10:40:12

Comments
Hi there is there a cht room here? or somewhere people can talk ? Just wondered….(am technophobic so its probably right under my nose!) thanks Becki
Sorry Becki, I do not have a chat room but please feel free to email me if you want to chat in private
Andy

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Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 11:10:59

Comments
Can anyone tell me if leaving the forces brings PTSD to the surface? I have been with my husband on and off for over 7 years. He joined the Royal Marines in 1998 and spent 2 months in Afghanistan in 2002. On his return (which was like a fairytale dream come true) we had a perfect wedding and (as planned) I got pregnant.
Our daughter was born in April this year and when she was 4 days old my husband upped and left.3 months later and with minimal contact from him durin that time he begged me to take him back. I did and after a few normal months things regressed again. He left on Sunday taking every belonging he owns and here I am 2 weeks before Christmas going through all those familar feelings of shock, disbelief, hurt, anger and feeling like a total failure.
My biggest problem is trying to understand if he is suffering from it or not. When he begged me to take him back he told me he was having nightmares about things in Afganistan. I remember on his return some shite down the pub getting obnoxious and announcing loudly that ‘our boys do fuck all out there and its like a holiday camp’. On the way home he broke down and sat by himself all alone not wanting to talk to me. It was scary and so unlike him.The next day he was fine.
There are so many things that make me think he has PTSD but then I read this site about people suffering from it after spending years in NI or elsewhere and I wonder if I’m trying to excuse the fact he is behaving so badly by giving the behaviour a label.
When he went this time I made the decision not to take him back under any circumstances because the stress of it all is making me ill. I have tried to talk to him about PTSD but he just laughs. My sister’s boufriend is currently in the Castel for the year for PTSD relating to the Falklands and he has tried to talk to him also (they are beer buddies)but its the usual thing of no-one can help him till he wants help himself.One day he agrees to see the doctor then he’s convincing me that I am mad and I need the help.
If only I could know if he is suffering from it and if he is then he could get himself some help but I just can’t see that happening. I love him so much but I also love my baby. I can’t put her through any more of the arguing and lies. I feel strong at the thought of a life without him. I would never stop him from seeing his daughter but I just know that he won’t bother. He seems to be in total denial and unable to see the bigger picture.
This is just waffle now but I feel so lonely and such a failure…maybe if I hadn’t got pregnant….maybe if she had been a boy….maybe him wanting to come home from work for 1 night a week is normal…. etc What a nightmare it all is. Becki

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Date: 13 Dec 2003
Time: 07:40:09

Comments
Dear Andy,
I feel such a outrage of injustice for anyone suffering from PTSD and ajoining disorders. Numbness which drives you to suicide attempts, Inability to feel or give love. I’ve found it’s taken me 2 years to be able to visit my granchildren, who I adored, because of the distress it caused me because I’m no longer who I used to be and cry in secret because despite their cuddles and laughter I’m left feeling so empty when my heart used to be so full. I’m winning so far against the idiots who left me like this. But each battle I’ve won, I thought at least it will bring regognision and enable me to move on but it doesn’t. I grieve because the battle having been won brings no relief. I’d hoped that it would help drive me forward but nothing seems take away the pain, the loss, and despair. I’ve a few battles yet and if I win I’ll at least made no finacial losses but the loss of myself when does that person ever come back rather that than lost salary.
I know Tom Abrahams (author of The Cage) and as an ex vietnam vet, at least even that inept at times country, accepts the tragic effect that no one can predict by the sights, sounds and guilt all sufferers feel.
I’m writting to my MP and to the MOD in support of the injustice to Service men and women who go unrecognised for their financial loss. As to the availability of therapy I’m now wating only another 16 months for some to start as the other therapy, medication and ECT didn’t work. If we all could get private treatment from those that caused this condition maybe we would have more hope of some recovery.
I don’t beleive anyone truly recovers fully from PTSD or only if caught early. We adjust our lives broken with wounds no one can see.
I will fight for service personnel to recognision it is the least anyone deserves NOONE should have to have their dignity deprived throgh no fault of their own to lead a Normal Productive Life.
Love&Best Wishes to all lilacwine68@yahoo.co.uk

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Date: 13 Dec 2003
Time: 07:49:40

Comments
Yet another sleepless night searching for peace and no nightmares Love Lilac

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Date: 13 Dec 2003
Time: 14:55:53

Comments
I am a vietnam veteran and was just diagnosed with P.T.S.D. and your site was very informational and I am able to understand abit more about it.
Al Trainer

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Date: 15 Dec 2003
Time: 02:49:12

Comments
Very Good Job. Plenty of info. As an American Combat Veteran. (U.S. Marines) I have heard about the plight of my Brothers in the U.K. I know your site is doing a great service to those in need. Charlie Black 3rd Marine Division Vietnam 67/68

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Date: 15 Dec 2003
Time: 14:40:20

Comments
i am both disheartened and extremely upset there are now new ex services coming onto this board.im ex gulf 1,i was one of those that tried to prove neglect by the mod.i lost.it pains me everytime i come here and read this guest book.i didnt write a book about the war or what id seen, i wrote a book about life in civvy street and what ptsd does to you and everyone around you.i had my first headrush for a long time after reading this today.if you are a relative or friend of an ex joe,you need to speak to the people mapped out on this site.ill post a couple more points soon.http://groups.msn.com/PostTraumaticStress/messageboard.msnw is there to chat for the technophobia.thats one off my concious. ill be back.

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Date: 15 Dec 2003
Time: 15:13:26

Comments
im afraid becki, with respect denial is……….as you say he laughs everytime you mention ptsd.but i had left the army in 1992, a year after the gulf 1.i saw what most have here.he too probably, and hes new in civvy street and cant understand why people out here have no concept of what horrors hes seen?ie the shite in the pub.there is still alot of ……oh ive killed people compared to oh ive seen dead people……..we front line regiments always get the worst and often forget the rear echeolon see alot too.but no self respecting ex service person is going to say it was easy for any individual.individual……..being the word.most men can say oh well lets just get on with it.some like myself are deep and sensative and have suffered other traumas in the past.ie be it sexual abuse or car accidents………it goes on.if he truly loves you you will see him making the effort to get treatment.tell him the lads are proud of what hes done but for YOUR sake get help.its on this board.organisations. Can anyone tell me if leaving the forces brings PTSD to the surface? I have been with my husband on and off for over 7 years. He joined the Royal Marines in 1998 and spent 2 months in Afghanistan in 2002. On his return (which was like a fairytale dream come true) we had a perfect wedding and (as planned) I got pregnant.
Our daughter was born in April this year and when she was 4 days old my husband upped and left.3 months later and with minimal contact from him durin that time he begged me to take him back. I did and after a few normal months things regressed again. He left on Sunday taking every belonging he owns and here I am 2 weeks before Christmas going through all those familar feelings of shock, disbelief, hurt, anger and feeling like a total failure.
My biggest problem is trying to understand if he is suffering from it or not. When he begged me to take him back he told me he was having nightmares about things in Afganistan. I remember on his return some shite down the pub getting obnoxious and announcing loudly that ‘our boys do fuck all out there and its like a holiday camp’. On the way home he broke down and sat by himself all alone not wanting to talk to me. It was scary and so unlike him.The next day he was fine.
There are so many things that make me think he has PTSD but then I read this site about people suffering from it after spending years in NI or elsewhere and I wonder if I’m trying to excuse the fact he is behaving so badly by giving the behaviour a label.
When he went this time I made the decision not to take him back under any circumstances because the stress of it all is making me ill. I have tried to talk to him about PTSD but he just laughs. My sister’s boufriend is currently in the Castel for the year for PTSD relating to the Falklands and he has tried to talk to him also (they are beer buddies)but its the usual thing of no-one can help him till he wants help himself.One day he agrees to see the doctor then he’s convincing me that I am mad and I need the help.
If only I could know if he is suffering from it and if he is then he could get himself some help but I just can’t see that happening. I love him so much but I also love my baby. I can’t put her through any more of the arguing and lies. I feel strong at the thought of a life without him. I would never stop him from seeing his daughter but I just know that he won’t bother. He seems to be in total denial and unable to see the bigger picture.
This is just waffle now but I feel so lonely and such a failure…maybe if I hadn’t got pregnant….maybe if she had been a boy….maybe him wanting to come home from work for 1 night a week is normal…. etc What a nightmare it all is. Becki
becki you are no ideas whats going through his mind.i hope you never do.BUT, dont blame yourself.your baby is a beautifull girl, when hes better he will appreciate her more.its hard to describe to civvys, but you obviously love him.when i came home i split up with my wife, just wanted to be with the lads.getting better day by day.but he needs to realize we the injured need suppport to.and as one we can get through this.i wasnt diagnosed till 99, i thought i was insane. good luck becki. a vet from war and a vet from civvy streets selfish ignorance of what really happens. respect.tell him hes lost the battle if he loses you.talk to these people. http://www.ngvfa.org/

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Date: 23 Dec 2003
Time: 20:02:13

Comments
Greetings. Thanks Andy for publishing my previous submission. Your site is attracting quality world-wide interest. There’s something which sticks in the minds of all veterans’ – “when I get home, I’m going to d-o s-o-m-e-t-h-i-n-g for all veterans in my ship, regiment or air force squadron.” At a time when our country’s finest are overseas on active duty their families are looking forward to a day of reunion and rejoicing and, yet, when it eventually arrives most families will quietly sense “Hasn’t Bill (or Brian) changed? He was only in Iraq for months, what’s the problem?” During a time of war, the veteran, and the family, will each experience great stress. Nothing will be the same afterwards. The veteran will be looking for a reunion with his family but slowly his mixed loyalties may slip towards his mates – mateship, during and after adversity, is something we experienced. Loving relationships with the wife and kids suddenly take a tumble. That’s when t-r-o-u-b-l-e starts. I was very pleased to read the British Government have awarded a contract to The Priory to smooth some of the immediate ‘combat stress’ among returning veterans. Why has it taken the British Government so long to start picking up the tab?Then, as the years tick on, it’s the likes of Combat Stress UK at Audley Court, Newport, Shropshire picking up the majority of cases when veterans exit the forces. Thank goodness we have a registered charity. In the case of our current conflict in Iraq “tying a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree” is a wonderful gesture. When our nation’s sports men and women bring home the ‘gold and silver’ the country is bathed in media euphoria – and they deserve it! But, would you believe that sixty years after D-DAY; fifty years after Korea; thirty years after Vietnam; twenty years after Falklands, or, Northern Ireland; or ten years after Bosnia, or, the first Gulf War, veterans are still reporting sick. Why? It could be PTSD. Ron. Ex Australian Defence Forces.

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Date: 30 Dec 2003
Time: 15:51:31

Comments
with you on all accounts.

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