Guest Book Archived Messages 5

GUEST BOOK ARCHIVED MESSAGES

August 2003 - March 2004

Date:19 Aug 2003

Time:: 01:52:15
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well andy im back again. its daft oclock in the morning, im tired, my mind is doing somersaults, I cant think straight, i feel lonley and scared. I have a caring wonderful god knows how "understanding" wife and 2 small amazing chilren and im still too scared of the nightmares to go to bed and be with the ones i love. But... yet again reading this page has helped me realsise that im not alone in the way i feel. Im not wrong to have the feelings i have.

That maybe, just maybe if i opened up those that are asleep upstairs totally unware that im down here night after night, day after day. and told them about my ghosts my hurt and pain just a little bit more, I wouldnt feel so insecure in my own home and so terrified of whats in my head. so that one day soon i will learn to let sleeping dogs lie.

And get some sleep myself.................

yours Eddie Beddoes eddiebedzy@hotmail.com

Date:: 23 Aug 2003
Time:: 14:33:41
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I served in Northern Ireland in the 80s and had a couple of bad experiences there. Since i left the Army i have suffered Loss of sleep ( i only sleep about 3 hrs max sometimes 5 if im lucky ) I have a hair trigger temper, suffer from stress, worry all the time about everything, Heart palpitations and the occasional nightmare. I thought i was the only one, strange really as people i have spoken to since have informed me they suffer from simaler things. I have just stumbled on your site and would like to thank you for taking the time and the effort to put together this web site. Now i truly know that im really not alone. Virtutis Fortuna Comes

Date:: 05 Sep 2003
Time:: 20:13:50
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Greetings. This is a great site. Thanks to the webmasters and their dedication. PTSD after military activities is an incredible journey of personal discovery. Those recurring stressors which popped up when least expected. Those nights when I survived on cigarettes and whiskey and two hours sleep. Those months turning into years when I thought I was the only person with the symptoms. Those employment interviews where young men and women thought ex-service men and women were closely related to criminals. Those months turning into years when I could not explain nor face another amatuer "shrink" at a Job Centre repeatedly asking why I had so many gaps in my employment track record. In 2000 it took a lot of persuasion from a veteran friend in Australia that I was not alone. At first, the flush of hot, cold, anger and intrusion into private matters were overwhelming. The friend, another Vietnam Veteran, knew most of my background and yet it took almost another year for me to make contact with the Australian Department of Veterans' Affairs, who in turn arranged my assessments with Combat Stress, Newport, Shropshire. My old tin box was well and truly opened at Combat Stress and out tumbled the Vietnam War and those years immediately following when a considerable number of my collegues had similar military lifestyles to my own. Let's hope they've all now recognised their own difficulties and sought help. Two years down the track, at age sixty something years, my life is just turning the corner - not better - but not worse. Going to Combat Stress at Newport, Shropshire has been a great boost where I've had the honour of meeting veterans from NI, Falklands, Bosnia, Gulf and a few other campaigns soon forgotten by the general public. Thanks to all, consultants, care managers, fellow veterans and most of all the generous public who make places like the British Combat Stress centres viable. Without the public support our stress would never be known. Ron. Ex Australian Defence Forces.

Date:: 07 Sep 2003
Time:: 09:33:11
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You said that you served with the 13/18 hussars and Light Dragoons but you dont mention what your name is?

Date:: 07 Sep 2003
Time:: 20:25:00
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dont feel alone....you are not, dont feel ashamed........there is no need, dont feel weak.........there is no need, dont explain.......there is no need, I feel for each and everyone of us, never forget, there is hope, best wishes fletch

Date:: 13 Sep 2003
Time:: 03:46:16
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Thankyou for your candid web site. As an american servicewoman (USAF 1975-80)who has both PTSD and Bipolar disorders your humor is greatly appreciated. It brings a personal humanity to what would otherwise be just another place for dry info to be gathered.

Date:: 18 Sep 2003
Time:: 21:44:08
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I have had PTSD for 21 years (NI)but did not know what was wrong, wrongly diagnosed with Malaria and ME. the only sites available were American so it is refressing to stumble across this one. The MOD and Veterans Agency just do not want to know, they just want us to go away. We need some kind of self-help/ self-advocacy like this.

Date:: 19 Sep 2003
Time:: 16:45:21
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interesting reading, same old stuff, ex squaddies up to their neck in shit, no help, useless doctors, psychiatrists etc, stuffed by the MOD and veterans agency. good site hate the anthem (a psychological tool for mass suicide)

Date:: 22 Sep 2003
Time:: 13:38:31
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It is comforting to know there are others who have these nightmares as I do, but the scarry thing is just how long will I have them. It does ruin my life at times and it not only affects me but my family also. This is a very good and welcome web site.

Date:: 23 Sep 2003
Time:: 12:00:05
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suffer with this problem,this side is very usefull for me ,thank you,F de weijer, Eindhoven,the netherlands

Date:: 01 Oct 2003
Time:: 10:26:17
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looks like many PTSD cases in the armed forces was admin discharged this way

I JOINED UP TO FIGHT AND PROTECT MY COUNTRY AND WOULD EVEN DIE FOR IT. BUT AFTER TWELVE YEARS DEDICATED SERVICE THEY KICKED ME AND MY FAMILY OUT ON THE STREETS.FOR WHAT REASON BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO SAVE MONEY ON MY ARMY PENSION BY NOT ALLOWING ME TO SERVE A FULL CAREER. SO WHAT PRIDE DO I HAVE IN MY COUNTRY NOW, NONE." A DISGRUNTLED SOLDIER LEFT ON THE SCRAPHEAP BY THE MOD AT ONLY 30 YEARS OF AGE 2001) "The Ministry of Defence is facing a highly damaging court case brought by some of the thousands of soldiers forced out of the Army to save money on pensions"(Telegraph 23.6.03) "Squaddies to sue over £1bn scandal troops they say were tricked and bullied" the former soldiers are to sue the Army for "stealing" up to £1billion in wages and pensions.(The Mirror 23.6.03) "Thousands of soldiers may have been duped into early retirement and deprived of their pension rights under a scheme that has saved the Ministry of Defence at least £500m and possibly far more"(TheGuardian 24.6.03) "It seems ridiculous that, once again, our soldiers and sailors and airmen are having to resort to the law in order to get the kind benefits and the kind of rights that any decent employer would give them.(Paul keetch MP ,BBC News 23,06.03)

visit this site for information http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/TheBrownletter/

Date:: 01 Oct 2003
Time:: 21:12:53
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I posted my first message on 21/7 20:12 and have come back to this site several times, to re-read my offering & check out new messages. I think some how things are turning the corner for me, no miracles but reading through this site and actually trying to get through the day with out reliving or going down the "when we" path helps a lot. Call it denial, it helps alot, until some *ick-Head at work tells me about this great PC game in which the player(s) get to toss grenades into crowded rooms? Christ gimme strenghth! But some how I avoided giving My short, sharp opinion of such activities : ) By the way am I the only ex: vet who does not understand these "paint ball" gamers? People who dress in camo & pretend to kill their buddies? Am I missing the point? Friends... try it for real, 5.56 & 7.62 rounds are real forgiving & very funny, provided they end up in the other poor SOB's body! I've tried to keep up with what's happening in Iraq and it seems to me (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) the same mistakes are being made & a whole new crop of mentally damaged individuals will be with us very shortly? Well buddies, welcome to the club, hopefully those of us, who have been here for a while, might just be in a position to give you a few tips. Hell's teeth, still sending teenages out as legal killers and wondering why the come back (if they are lucky) a bit deranged. Time will tell. 'Till next time my friends, take care.

Date:: 04 Oct 2003
Time:: 03:19:41
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I'm having these weird anxiety dreams that do not seem to have anything to do with the war [Iraq]. I wake up feeling like a ten year old waiting to get a spanking for breaking something. My heart is pounding and I've usually only been asleep for about 3-4 hours. What I remember of the dreams is stupid stuff like being late for something. So I end up sitting in bed, heart pounding, unable to go back to sleep and feeling like a dumb ass because of it.

notright

Date:: 25 Oct 2003
Time:: 21:34:57
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ok its that fateful time of year again. Reliving the pain and anxiety. The annual anniversary of my "ACCIDENT" I suffer from "FMLAD" ("Fast moving lead absorbstion disorder") This is my 3rd post on this site now and i always turn here when i feel in need to relate to people. PTSD sheesh! again i feel really stressed and hyper sensitive short tempered and desperatly lost. God almighty modern medicine wheres the miracle cure all the shrinks keep talking about? If anyone knows pls tell me...........

eddiebedzy@hotmail.com

Date:: 26 Oct 2003
Time:: 18:54:26
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iv had ptsd for years, northern ireland, good site , the thing that really bugs me is, if i want info of help or advice with coping with my disorder, i have had to visit ozzie,usa,websites, when are we getting a department for veterans affairs, this country's veterans have to beg off charities for help,,i seved my country,,,not a charity,,,,,,,we need a uk d.v.a ,its a disgrace, how veterans are treated,by governments of this country p.gower

Date:: 02 Nov 2003
Time:: 05:54:45
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THANKS ANDY FOR AN EXCELLENT PAGE READING ABOUT SO MANY PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME HAS HELPED ME REALISE IM NOT ALONE.I PROUDLY SERVED IN THE ROYAL ULSTER CONSTABULARY AND LIKE SO MANY OTHERS PAYING FOR 30 YEARS OF CONFLICT IN N.IRELAND WITH PTSD NOW THERE ARE BETTER TIMES HERE THE GOVERNMENT WANT TO PETEND IT DIDNT HAPPEN AND EVEN TRY TO MAKE YOU FEEL AS IF IT WAS OUR FAULT WHEN THEY DISHED OUT THE FINAL INSULT BY DISBANDING THE RUC TO FORM THE POLICE SERVICE OF N. IRELAND.....T

Date:: 04 Nov 2003
Time:: 13:29:14
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its a long time since i left the army and no one could understand why I still felt bitter. It was not the army that I hated it was what happenede while I was serving that I couild not come to terms with. I was involved in a very serious road accident whilst in belize and no one seemed to understand how much pain I was in. I had laid in a coma for 6 weeks and after coming round I felt that people expected me to carry on as if everything was normaland as I wanted to get back into things i tried like any soldier would put as time progressed things start to get worseand then noone seems to relise that you no longer have the drive or the will to do the things that you did prior to the incident and do not seem to relise that your way of thought has changed and the way you see things has changed. prior to the accident I was on my way up the promotion ladder and every one having high hopes for me then all of a sudden you no longer care what happens and all they see is someone gone of the rails and do the best they can to make you suffer more than you are. that is until one day some one sees that you have a problem and that the problem is medical and then they try and get you help and feel sorry for you and personaly that I was glad of the help I started getting but was it the right help. Its now 15 years since been medicaly discharged from the army and its only now that some bright spark says or by the way you suffer from PTSD yeh OK WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? now that I no whats wrong with me what do I do now or your not mad just a bit confused that an under statement. the good news is that an organisation called combat stress has arranged for me to go into audley court for some tests and hopefully things might seem a bit clearer in the future. sorry if all this seems a bit depressing but i have waited for a long time for someone to tell me that i have some thing wrong with me and its got a name yeh I feel a bit let down about that as the sayingh goe's thing can only get better TC

Date:: 04 Nov 2003
Time:: 15:03:27
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Regarding the charity Combat Stress - I've decided to be a fundraiser for them. I'm currently arranging to do a Wing Walk next year, wearing only a bikini. Hopefully I should raise loads of cash for Audley House & the other Combat Stress help units around the country. More news will be posted as it arises.

Date:: 14 Nov 2003
Time:: 08:14:37
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Thanks for the information. Marcus Leddy Viet Nam 69-71

Date:: 22 Nov 2003
Time:: 02:45:42
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I think it is excellent and it's encouraging to see there is somethng out there to help people traumatised by the horrors of war. Currently the MoD are useless at recognising there is a serious problem with its preparation and post war care not too mention little if no support whatsoever for the loved ones around the victim who often feel as lonely and scared about the changes they watched their loved ones going through. Becki

Date:: 25 Nov 2003
Time:: 15:21:38
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A very good, useful and well made website Andy. Thanks. Here's a warning for Vets who have PTSD and are making applications for a War Pension to the Veterans Agency.

A WARNING ABOUT WAR PENSIONS.

Anyone who would like to hear about John's problems with the War Pensions agency please feel free to email him at his address below but unfortunately I had to remove his article as it was putting both me and my website in danger of possible litigation.

Johns email address is as follows: johnkerr244@yahoo.co.uk.

John I know you will understand why I did this. please email me if you are not happy or need to talk about it at andy@ptsd.org.uk.

Take care my friend and good luck in your quest for justice.

Date:: 26 Nov 2003
Time:: 20:55:22
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This is for john kerr, i am sorry you seem to be having a poor time with the WPA, i was diagnosed twth PTSD about 7 or 8 years ago and when i put in a calim for a further condition it took almst 6 months from start to finish and they then admited liability and paid me extra on my war pension to cover the PTSD, i have since put in for further conditions and a deteriation claim & it's taken about 6 months for them to give me desisions on them also any time i phone them the help line are always fantastic, im not sure waht he answer to your problems are mate but sstck with it and push them all the way those of us who suffer now for what we did for our country then deserve some recompence. if you need any help or jsut need to sound off email me at terryb@familiesreunited.org same goes for any one who needs help or just to talk about things. keep it real Lads

Date:: 27 Nov 2003
Time:: 16:03:48
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I suffer from ptsd, not from combat but from a car crash. Not one physician that I went to diagnosed me. I ended up diagnosising myself and informed the professionals/ psychiatrist, general practioner what my diagnosis/problem is. What a bunch a quacks around here. They do not care about the patients. We all know what a great facility Duke Hospital is.

Date:: 27 Nov 2003
Time:: 17:04:14
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i have just lost my case perse against the mod for compensation i didnt want.but every defence they destroyed my case with will hold them in future to look for treat and prevent my brothers and sisters in arms from going through and enduring alone.they cannot put the same defence up twice after this.so my will is done.watch this space for my book. love to the people who have died for our freedom.

Date:: 04 Dec 2003
Time:: 15:12:53
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Hi combat stress (Hollybush house) introduced me to your site and after reading all the comments left by others i can really relate to them, However i may have been diagnosed with PTSD from various conflicts and other things that has happened to me. But nothing is worse than fighting a battle to win your wife and kids back after 20 years of mental tourment and verbal abuse. Many guys i have spoke to are on their 2nd 3rd some their 4th wife, but i am only on my first and after 20 years of marriage there is no way i am going to let this thing break us up. Yes i have been a B*"tard to her and the kids and now that i know how to deal with this illness i am planning my biggest battle yet to win them back. I have just won my first battle and now it's time to win my second. Most of you guys out there now wat i am talking about so dont let this defeat you it took me 20 years to find out that i was not alone and your wives are not alone either seek help before it get's to late it nearly did for me so get help and sort yourselves out.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Date:: 08 Dec 2003
Time:: 16:12:30
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Hey, well I dont know where to begin to ask this. I have read through the site in order to try and gain understanding for an essay about PTSD and military/emergency services personnel. Afterwards I felt I would read through these messages. I am actually studying disaster management and although I dont think I shall ever see frontline action, I may well be in situations of conflict in a few years and may see the sights some of you have. How ever many times people tell you not to, or why would you want to go ahead and do this sort of job, I think the answer is the same you guys probably gave those of you who made the choice) because you felt you could help? Well, it looks as if you are the ones asking for help now - but whats wrong with that? Tell me, I wish to know - not for my own perverse pleasure, but to put into perspective my studies. There seems to be a black and white answer with a heavy dose of pity against those who suffer, but I dont think that goes anywhere near what those of you who have identified yourselves with PTSD are living with. I would apprechiate anythign you leave, and it wont enter my essay. Thanks, Miss.C

Date:: 10 Dec 2003
Time:: 01:47:29
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hello all, I am an x-serviceman from the Vietnam War. I served two years as an infantryman Company C 2/327th Infantry 101st Airborne. (combat tracker and dog handler). I saw lots of things and that would make a normal person go insane, of which I am. This site is a good one and I refer to it often. I knew then, when I was twenty and discharged that some thing was terribly wrong with me, but had no idea what it was I was messed up bad and never even knew. I went through 4 marriages, drugs and alcohol, disruptive and anger, jail fights. many many thingds but in 1997 I finally had a wife who loved me enough to force me to the Veterans Hospital, The rest is history but I am still very very ill. I get therapy 3 times a week, physical therapy for wounds twice a week. But I now know that I am not insane, just ill and have a wife who loves me very much.......David Williamson

Date:: 10 Dec 2003
Time:: 10:40:12
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Hi there is there a cht room here? or somewhere people can talk ? Just wondered....(am technophobic so its probably right under my nose!) thanks Becki

Sorry Becki, I do not have a chat room but please feel free to email me if you want to chat in private

Andy

Date:: 10 Dec 2003
Time:: 11:10:59
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Can anyone tell me if leaving the forces brings PTSD to the surface? I have been with my husband on and off for over 7 years. He joined the Royal Marines in 1998 and spent 2 months in Afghanistan in 2002. On his return (which was like a fairytale dream come true) we had a perfect wedding and (as planned) I got pregnant.

Our daughter was born in April this year and when she was 4 days old my husband upped and left.3 months later and with minimal contact from him durin that time he begged me to take him back. I did and after a few normal months things regressed again. He left on Sunday taking every belonging he owns and here I am 2 weeks before Christmas going through all those familar feelings of shock, disbelief, hurt, anger and feeling like a total failure.

My biggest problem is trying to understand if he is suffering from it or not. When he begged me to take him back he told me he was having nightmares about things in Afganistan. I remember on his return some shite down the pub getting obnoxious and announcing loudly that 'our boys do fuck all out there and its like a holiday camp'. On the way home he broke down and sat by himself all alone not wanting to talk to me. It was scary and so unlike him.The next day he was fine.

There are so many things that make me think he has PTSD but then I read this site about people suffering from it after spending years in NI or elsewhere and I wonder if I'm trying to excuse the fact he is behaving so badly by giving the behaviour a label.

When he went this time I made the decision not to take him back under any circumstances because the stress of it all is making me ill. I have tried to talk to him about PTSD but he just laughs. My sister's boufriend is currently in the Castel for the year for PTSD relating to the Falklands and he has tried to talk to him also (they are beer buddies)but its the usual thing of no-one can help him till he wants help himself.One day he agrees to see the doctor then he's convincing me that I am mad and I need the help.

If only I could know if he is suffering from it and if he is then he could get himself some help but I just can't see that happening. I love him so much but I also love my baby. I can't put her through any more of the arguing and lies. I feel strong at the thought of a life without him. I would never stop him from seeing his daughter but I just know that he won't bother. He seems to be in total denial and unable to see the bigger picture.

This is just waffle now but I feel so lonely and such a failure...maybe if I hadn't got pregnant....maybe if she had been a boy....maybe him wanting to come home from work for 1 night a week is normal.... etc What a nightmare it all is. Becki

Date:: 13 Dec 2003
Time:: 07:40:09
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Dear Andy,

I feel such a outrage of injustice for anyone suffering from PTSD and ajoining disorders. Numbness which drives you to suicide attempts, Inability to feel or give love. I've found it's taken me 2 years to be able to visit my granchildren, who I adored, because of the distress it caused me because I'm no longer who I used to be and cry in secret because despite their cuddles and laughter I'm left feeling so empty when my heart used to be so full. I'm winning so far against the idiots who left me like this. But each battle I've won, I thought at least it will bring regognision and enable me to move on but it doesn't. I grieve because the battle having been won brings no relief. I'd hoped that it would help drive me forward but nothing seems take away the pain, the loss, and despair. I've a few battles yet and if I win I'll at least made no finacial losses but the loss of myself when does that person ever come back rather that than lost salary.

I know Tom Abrahams (author of The Cage) and as an ex vietnam vet, at least even that inept at times country, accepts the tragic effect that no one can predict by the sights, sounds and guilt all sufferers feel.

I'm writting to my MP and to the MOD in support of the injustice to Service men and women who go unrecognised for their financial loss. As to the availability of therapy I'm now wating only another 16 months for some to start as the other therapy, medication and ECT didn't work. If we all could get private treatment from those that caused this condition maybe we would have more hope of some recovery.

I don't beleive anyone truly recovers fully from PTSD or only if caught early. We adjust our lives broken with wounds no one can see.

I will fight for service personnel to recognision it is the least anyone deserves NOONE should have to have their dignity deprived throgh no fault of their own to lead a Normal Productive Life.

Love&Best Wishes to all lilacwine68@yahoo.co.uk

Date:: 13 Dec 2003
Time:: 07:49:40
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Yet another sleepless night searching for peace and no nightmares Love Lilac

Date:: 13 Dec 2003
Time:: 14:55:53
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I am a vietnam veteran and was just diagnosed with P.T.S.D. and your site was very informational and I am able to understand abit more about it.

Al Trainer

Date:: 15 Dec 2003
Time:: 02:49:12
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Very Good Job. Plenty of info. As an American Combat Veteran. (U.S. Marines) I have heard about the plight of my Brothers in the U.K. I know your site is doing a great service to those in need. Charlie Black 3rd Marine Division Vietnam 67/68

Date:: 15 Dec 2003
Time:: 14:40:20
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i am both disheartened and extremely upset there are now new ex services coming onto this board.im ex gulf 1,i was one of those that tried to prove neglect by the mod.i lost.it pains me everytime i come here and read this guest book.i didnt write a book about the war or what id seen, i wrote a book about life in civvy street and what ptsd does to you and everyone around you.i had my first headrush for a long time after reading this today.if you are a relative or friend of an ex joe,you need to speak to the people mapped out on this site.ill post a couple more points soon.http://groups.msn.com/PostTraumaticStress/messageboard.msnw is there to chat for the technophobia.thats one off my concious. ill be back.

Date:: 15 Dec 2003
Time:: 15:13:26
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im afraid becki, with respect denial is..........as you say he laughs everytime you mention ptsd.but i had left the army in 1992, a year after the gulf 1.i saw what most have here.he too probably, and hes new in civvy street and cant understand why people out here have no concept of what horrors hes seen?ie the shite in the pub.there is still alot of ......oh ive killed people compared to oh ive seen dead people........we front line regiments always get the worst and often forget the rear echeolon see alot too.but no self respecting ex service person is going to say it was easy for any individual.individual........being the word.most men can say oh well lets just get on with it.some like myself are deep and sensative and have suffered other traumas in the past.ie be it sexual abuse or car accidents.........it goes on.if he truly loves you you will see him making the effort to get treatment.tell him the lads are proud of what hes done but for YOUR sake get help.its on this board.organisations. Can anyone tell me if leaving the forces brings PTSD to the surface? I have been with my husband on and off for over 7 years. He joined the Royal Marines in 1998 and spent 2 months in Afghanistan in 2002. On his return (which was like a fairytale dream come true) we had a perfect wedding and (as planned) I got pregnant.

becki you are no ideas whats going through his mind.i hope you never do.BUT, dont blame yourself.your baby is a beautifull girl, when hes better he will appreciate her more.its hard to describe to civvys, but you obviously love him.when i came home i split up with my wife, just wanted to be with the lads.getting better day by day.but he needs to realize we the injured need suppport to.and as one we can get through this.i wasnt diagnosed till 99, i thought i was insane. good luck becki. a vet from war and a vet from civvy streets selfish ignorance of what really happens. respect.tell him hes lost the battle if he loses you.talk to these people. http://www.ngvfa.org/

Date:: 23 Dec 2003
Time:: 20:02:13
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Greetings. Thanks Andy for publishing my previous submission. Your site is attracting quality world-wide interest. There's something which sticks in the minds of all veterans' - "when I get home, I'm going to d-o s-o-m-e-t-h-i-n-g for all veterans in my ship, regiment or air force squadron." At a time when our country's finest are overseas on active duty their families are looking forward to a day of reunion and rejoicing and, yet, when it eventually arrives most families will quietly sense "Hasn't Bill (or Brian) changed? He was only in Iraq for months, what's the problem?" During a time of war, the veteran, and the family, will each experience great stress. Nothing will be the same afterwards. The veteran will be looking for a reunion with his family but slowly his mixed loyalties may slip towards his mates - mateship, during and after adversity, is something we experienced. Loving relationships with the wife and kids suddenly take a tumble. That's when t-r-o-u-b-l-e starts. I was very pleased to read the British Government have awarded a contract to The Priory to smooth some of the immediate 'combat stress' among returning veterans. Why has it taken the British Government so long to start picking up the tab?Then, as the years tick on, it's the likes of Combat Stress UK at Audley Court, Newport, Shropshire picking up the majority of cases when veterans exit the forces. Thank goodness we have a registered charity. In the case of our current conflict in Iraq "tying a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree" is a wonderful gesture. When our nation's sports men and women bring home the 'gold and silver' the country is bathed in media euphoria - and they deserve it! But, would you believe that sixty years after D-DAY; fifty years after Korea; thirty years after Vietnam; twenty years after Falklands, or, Northern Ireland; or ten years after Bosnia, or, the first Gulf War, veterans are still reporting sick. Why? It could be PTSD. Ron. Ex Australian Defence Forces.

Date:: 30 Dec 2003
Time:: 15:51:31
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with you on all accounts.

Date:: 06 Jan 2004
Time:: 17:16:48
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something could include , hoovering, or going outside the house.its a small battle but i have been there.i admit in honesty i have an alcohol drinking , thing, but at this point it wont help you or me.my mind is so messed up ,it keeps me sane.but a drunk soldier is a bad soldier.because the discipline dissapears.i still have discapline, but i dont want anymore suffering, just because we were trained, to be highly aggressive, does not excuse our behaviour TOWARDS loved ones.read this boards guestbook before you comment.this comment will stand its time in history.please, if your loved ones think you have changed.....GET HELP..i wasnt told and i was 5 years in........civvy street.thats alot of hard work to you.yes, civvy street is a backstabbing, im alright jack society.but they werent spoilt with 3 course meals or being paid to stay healthy.they have had to fight tooth and nail for everything they have.civvys, are on a different planet.granted.but ,we must overcome and......ADAPT,. if you still need help........well, your letting the lads down, if we hurt the people we love. love to all from craig.

Date:: 07 Jan 2004
Time:: 00:51:04
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I appreciate the effort that you have put forth in education people like me about this problem. I am a former U.S. Marine, that served with an infantry unit in Iraq. I am now dealing with PTSD, and would like to thank you for all of your hard work. I have begun taking the steps to fix things thanks to information I recieved from your site.

Thank you, Cpl. Shafer K CO 3rd BAT 5th Marines, 1st Marine Divison shafer0311usmc@aol.com

Date:: 19 Jan 2004
Time:: 10:04:35
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i served in northern ireland 4 tours and also in the first gulf war i had problems with nightmares after coming home i was always on a short fuse so to speak got very angry at little things i then got married still am 3 children i have to tell that i get very emotional at the sight of war on television it brings back so many memories for me mostly of the gulf i keep photos that i have to look at now and again i want to tell myself that iam not suffering from PTSD but it cannot be right to feel all these feelings that i have i have a good job and have worked ever since leaving the army? whats the answer?

Date:: 20 Jan 2004
Time:: 15:22:01
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Andy

Your website was the answer to all my underlaying questions. It has also made me see that I AM NOT MAD. Just a normal person that through circumstances beyond my control whilst as an ex soldier and now a serving police officer has brought on the PTSD. You too, are an Angel in disguise. May God bless and keep you and may his light shine brightly amongst us all. Love and Light Sue

Date:: 30 Jan 2004
Time:: 19:48:06
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Why is it even though you lay your soul bare to doctors tell them it all they still dont listen, they just hand out anti deperessents like they are sweeties ? pills that have side affects that make things worse in many cases, seen so many doc's got noware now just gave up ! sod it i am just wondering whats the point of going on, can bear work but have to do it or get slung out on the street, wife and kids to think about, so many places on my case for various reasons...AHHHH !!!! war pension helps but how can i get on in life if some one switched the light out at the end of the tunnel to save electrisity, seems what ever i try just goes wrong and comes back and hits me smack in the face, cant you jsut tell im a tiny bit p****D off. TB

Date:: 31 Jan 2004
Time:: 19:13:51
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weve got each other RIGHT.left right.left.so, someone turned the lights out, well we are all light to each other.get a grip dont work, neither does civvy street after what some or most of us have seen.men, we are keeping our chins up ok.so heres my email.rules.? denim39@hotmail.com im here, as always.

Date:: 02 Feb 2004
Time:: 13:01:53
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Thanks for the site andy, after serving for a lot of years, (paras&sas) i realise my wife and children have been through their own hell with me over the last 14 years, nightmares,depression,all of that. But the biggest thing for me was being convinced noone else would understand how i felt, or how sorry i was for the things i did.my biggest thing was a guilt that i was good at what i did and began to like the feeling it gave you, after all" your never more alive than when someones trying to kill you!!!!!!!". A Quote from my old padre, whod have thought eh. At last i have been recieving treatment and have begun to tell my wife some of the things i did, and guess what? no gasps of horror, no hating me for it, just love and a lot of understanding. I know now how lucky i am to have her and my two sons so my message to anyone else is this, DONT KEEP IT INSIDE, DONT STOP TALKING. You may be surprised at the reaction you get, i was. Sorry to ramble on guys but believe me their is light at the end of the tunnel, im not there yet but im not walking on my own anymore either. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS TO YOU ALL. RICHARD. (Falklands, NI,ETC)

Date:: 03 Feb 2004
Time:: 20:55:07
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This is an absolute must read for anyone with severe depression be it ex military or civilian. Thanks for putting this information on the web. Regards ex RN

Date:: 13 Feb 2004
Time:: 02:26:10
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Hi - just to say I broke down at work after 20 years of putting up with nightmares, anxiety and flashbacks and dealing with other peoples traumas. I can't function, have put my family through hell and am about to be kicked out. I felt so alone, turned to drink, don't sleep and am numb. Spent nights wishing I had the guts to end it all. I've now started treatment - drugs are useless and make you feel shit - but other stuff helps. It's good to feel I'm not alone anymore. CH

Date:: 21 Feb 2004
Time:: 20:34:47
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left the navy in '82 after serving dow "south" went back in in '85 after being offered the opportunity to "prospect" for the angels they were looking for someone to join the "dirty few", then 2 other people offered me the chance to join A.L.F. as they were looking for someone to do their dirty work, it was either back in the mob or end up very dead or in prison. What persona am I was I giving out. Came out of the mob and eventually got into the police force ended up with a reputation for being aggressive and always arguing with the gaffers, went sick for 6 month's after threatening to slot my sarge co's he was giving me shit. After a year's councelling and getting myself somewhere near fit I left before I did some one some harm. I am now self employed because I am not fit or could not take being told what to do. We spend so much money hurting each other when will we learn to help each other. What's it all mean at the end of the day sweet fanny adams. take it easy all. Spud.

Date:: 25 Feb 2004
Time:: 13:08:32
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Hi, my name is Henk and I live in South Africa. During the previous dispensation a lot of "unhumane tasks" were carried out by members of the South African Police. Since then everyone has moved on, with no consideration of members "left behind" I suffer from PTSD, but it is not a "recognised" illness in my line of work. Managers usually "wake up" after a suicide attempt or family murder!!! By then it is too late!! My greatest respect to all of you out there fighting this "invisible" enemy. God's speed.

Date:: 25 Feb 2004
Time:: 13:12:34
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Date:: 08 Mar 2004
Time:: 09:10:26
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im a northern ireland veteran my wife has had enough of ptsd she has had to put up with my mood swings anger and everything for 22 years why wont anyone help us why cant my wife get support why does my country not give a toss about veterans and their family's iv tried combat stress but came away worse than i was before i went to the home iv tried to put this disorder behind me but cant i feel im loosing my family without the support of my wife and children iv nothing to live for i cant face this disorder on my own my family are my life

Date:: 10 Mar 2004
Time:: 09:25:22
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The Aftermath of war coping with ptsd too.

This is a safe place for all the women that love a wounded veteran suffering from ptsd. We come together in the aftermath of war to share information, support and friendship. May you find peace through understanding. May you never again feel as if you are all alone. Site also includes claims help, and information for veterans to read. (membership is for the ladies only, but you can go to the visitors page and share your input about combat ptsd too) http://groups.msn.com/AftermathofwarcopingwithPTSDtoo

Date:: 17 Mar 2004
Time:: 00:25:57
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you said

i do not feel that you can ever put what you have been through behind you,but i do feel that given time one might be able to handle it better

you say you have been to combat stress,of course i do not know how many times you have been there but if its just the once i would say give it another chance

after all no one can cure all that you have been through over the years nor can we know your feelings that run in your head all to often people see the uniform but forget the person inside

so this is why i say i think it would be good to go back to combat stress if possible as hard as it might be and open up were possible and have chance to take stock of what you have gone through

after all you deserve better don`t you

Date:: 20 Mar 2004
Time:: 17:31:31
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Dear Andy Good to see your website and the detailed information it contains for people who suffer with PTSD. As a campaigner for more awareness of this disorder and it's proper recognition by the Government and NHS.I and others like my self who work with people suffering from PTSD are gladden to see we are evenually getting someway there at last. Keep it up and those you are also working with. Chris Howells Post Traumatic Stress Suffers Steering Group Newport South Wales

Date:: 21 Mar 2004
Time:: 21:57:52
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I cannot believe that I have found such a wonderful web site.I have been battling for years now for justice for my 43 year old ex R.A.O.C. son who was thrown in front of oncoming traffic when he was a pillion passenger in 1992.He had 15 operations and has one leg shorter than the other now.He was awarded £120,000 ( he had already received £ 44,000 in interim payments over the 10 years that the case took to come to court )We were told that he would not get another penny because it had all been taken up in legal fees and court costs.Under the "clawback" system the government have now demanded the repayment of the £44,000 and a further £18,000 of Bob's own money so in effect he is out of pocket although he was a totally inncocent passenger.He is now having to sell his lovely house to repay the money.He and his wife are registered disabled and they have two young sons.Please can anyone help us.My husband and I are retired and we just don't know what to do.

Date:: 28 Mar 2004
Time:: 11:40:50
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well done 10 out of 10. I have had loads of problems and never been able to find info on them - most of the way i feel is in here. I'm an ex-squaddie of 25 years service - NI, Gulf etc cheers

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Definition

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a natural emotional reaction to a deeply shocking and disturbing experience. It is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.