GUEST BOOK ARCHIVED MESSAGES

 

October 2007 - March 2008

Date:

9 October 2007

Time:

21:40 

Comments

I am currently under referral to the DCMH, I don't know if I have PTSD, but having read your site I see my all of my symptoms. I have been serving with the RAF for nearly five years. I suffered an spinal/neck and back injury during an overseas exercise. I remember coming round after being unconscious to hear medics talking about C-spine injuries, something that still plays on my mind to this day. shortly after my accident I received notice of a tour to Iraq, later that same year. My tour in Iraq was hard going, we were rocketed on a regular basis, with one or two of the larger rockets landing close, one landed close enough to move the whole roof on our building, I thought that was the end of my days to be fair. 

I guess my sleep problems started that night. I still don't sleep more than a few hours a night and the slightest noise wakes me, however come the safety of the day light hours and I am able to sleep, not conducive for a serviceman at all. Towards the end of my tour I was notified I was being posted, to a job and a base I didn't particularly want to go to and to be fair still don't want to be at. I returned to my wife in the November of 2006, we were posting on December the 23rd of all days. My wife had been suffering with depression, before, during and after I was deployed so I was worrying about her too. I have always bottled up my feelings, Its just what I do.

Then recently I ruptured a tendon in my hand and went to see a Doctor, that's when it all came out. I sometimes feel like just getting in my car and driving, to nowhere in particular, just to get away. your site has helped me immensely I know now that there is help out there for me and I don't always have to feel the way I do Thank you Ash

 

Date:

14 October 2007

Time:

03:06 

Comments

I just want to congratulate you on the effort put into your internet site, on stress/anxiety. Many people can benefit from it, and its really a great thing that you are out there talking about it.

 

Date:

14 October 2007

Time:

19:58 

Comments

hi. I'm a wife who has just reached the end of her tether after 20 years of being married to someone with ptsd. How did it happen? very suddenly - I was distracted and tired after another weekend of his drinking and yelling and I reversed into a blokes car. He leapt out and called me the same things my husband did. Was he another ex-vet I didn't know or care- I exploded.20 years came out at the poor sod and I couldn't stop. security was called and my boss, who sent me to the OT. By now I was crying and couldn't stop so I was sent home which is the last place in the world I wanted to be. I would have burnt it down to escape. I had nowhere to go- all my friends have left me because they couldn't cope with his outbursts and I felt like ending everything. I have never felt so trapped. He was never physically violent but the abuse and aggression seemed endless and how many times can you explain to the kids that daddy is ill. Weekends and holidays became a war zone and I used to get more stressed as the week went on. yes I admit I probably didn't help the situation because as soon as the first beer can opened it was like a call to battle. When he came home I told him I was filing for divorce. The look on his face was something I will never forget - the final betrayal- and I felt like a total traitor. A lot more yelling followed but them we started to talk and we probably understand each other a lot more now. He has finally agreed to try to control the drinking and after my complete hissy fit I feel a lot better. we've now decided to try again.

its just to say we know its not aimed at us on purpose and perhaps those of us that do leave are not as strong as others so please don't judge us too harshly. After all we are human too. Please get help and talk to us more about how you feel more rather than just attacking us verbally or god forbid physically. And if you are the guy I reversed into, I really am sorry...

lei

P.s the site is really good thank you

 

Date:

22 October 2007

Time:

15:20 

Comments

I have found this site very moving. My story has a lot of parallels with most of the other writers but the cause of my problems, what I think is PTSD, is very different to those described here and does not feature on this web-site at all. I had a traumatic childbirth experience. My experience is even more the remarkable because... I am a midwife, who deals with women in labour every day. I know that PTSD has been described in women suffering traumatic births in the professional literature, but I never thought it would happen to me.

What I was not prepared for was the total lack of understanding by health professionals and the ignorance of the symptoms and possible diagnosis. I have seen several GP's, a psychiatrist and been referred to a sleep clinic (at my request because I thought it may give me access to a counsellor) for the inability to sleep. Everyone told me I had post-natal depression, when I was depressed because I couldn't sleep, not the other way round! I suffered flashbacks and nightmares afterwards, Two years on I still can't sleep, feel dreadful and certainly can't deal with stress. But where is the help? How do I access a counsellor? I've worked in the health service for 25 years but it has let me down when I needed it. I had to return to work (which I had to delay as I couldn't go back) to a system which caused me to feel so traumatised.

PTSD CAN occur after traumatic childbirth and I feel so sad when I see what can happen to women following a difficult labour and birth. I would not wish this on anyone.

I would welcome any suggestions on your site as to how to access a counsellor and what is the best form of counselling for trauma symptoms. I would give anything to be able to sleep again.

Your story is sadly not a unique one and you are very right in saying that women CAN suffer PTSD after a traumatic childbirth.  I was part of the NICE Guidelines development group for the development of the NICE Guidelines for PTSD.  During that process it was proved and accepted that this does happen and your GP should refer you to a specialist psychologist for you to get treatment.  If this is being denied then if you go to the NICE Guideline page http://www.ptsd.org.uk/NICE.htm read the guidelines and then go and quote these to your GP and demand a referral, this is your right.

The problem is in the main there are not enough quality trained psychologists and experts which is hampering help but with new GP's coming through and better education and training PTSD is being taken seriously now all be it a slow change.  Let me know how you get on via email Andy@ptsd.org.uk rather than the guestbook then I can reply to you directly.

Andy

 

Date:

24 October 2007

Time:

21:12 

Comments

As a health professional I would like to salute you on the information and support that is offered through this web site.

Having professional contact with individuals from civvi street and some who are ex-military who are in distress and diagnosed with PTSD, I am ashamed of the discrimination that appears to exist. In my experience there are very few health professionals who have the experience and skill to work with PTSD and with the recent health cuts and redesigns these professionals are being cut. I am also disgusted at how the governments legislation discriminates against war veterans.

I know there is little faith in the health service but some of us who come into contact with individuals with PTSD do our best to offer support, education and treatment to help the individual and family go on a journey for a better tomorrow.

 

Date:

4 November 2007

Time:

19:28 

Comments

I am sorry for you and others who suffer PTSD, I have to say your website is inspirational, and I have enjoyed reading information given which I hope to use with vulnerable children in my care. Thanks Danny

 

Date:

17 November 2007

Time:

01:23 

Comments

I served for 22 years in the infantry, in NI many times, Kosovo and the Falklands, until Op Telic 4. It was a busy time for us, resulting in many Op awards, a few KIA and 25% casualties, and even though it is 3 years down the line I think about that tour every day ! is there something wrong with me or is this normal ? I have very strong desires to return to combat, as I now serve in the TA ! Does anyone else feel this way ? I would be interested if anyone feels the same way as I do ! leave me a message here for me, for Andy 9952 ! thanks

Hi Andy, what you are experiencing is a natural emotional reaction to a deeply shocking and disturbing experience. It is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.  War changes us all and it is a difficult thing to just switch off at the drop of a hat and then just be a "normal" person.  This does not make anything wrong with you but just shows that you are in fact a normal human being.

The only other thing I need to say is that this is not a chat room nor a forum where people can just vent views without control.  I have seen some of these and without careful monitoring they get out of control and can in some situations detract from what the website set out to achieve.  Can I ask that if you want people to reply to you direct you put an email address here for them to contact you direct?

 

Date:

25 November 2007

Time:

21:17 

Comments

This site is an excellent resource for people, both suffering from PTSD and those of us who work with people that are struggling with it.

Veterans have been getting a raw deal in lots of ways...but hopefully things are slowly starting to change...there's been a lot in the press in recent weeks and the plight of Veterans is becoming more high profile.

I have written here before about the Community Veterans Mental Health Therapist posts, which are being set up in pilot sites around the country, London, Stafford, Newcastle, Cornwall, Cardiff and Scotland. I would urge any Vets out there who have had difficulties getting treatment, or understanding from the NHS to look out for this new service if you live in one of these areas........it is specifically to help Veterans who are having serious mental health difficulties and who are not able to get help, or who have given up trying to find someone who understands.

If you want to find out any more info on this new service, i can point you in the right direction, email me at cvmht@therapist.net

 

Date:

29 November 2007

Time:

13:23 

Comments

Not a British vet - another army another war and only minor stress which I have come to realise has been caused by my experiences, thank God for my wife - an excellent site and I realise how it has helped other friends of mine.

 

Date:

3 December 2007

Time:

20:03 

Comments

Suffering from PTSD since Gulf War 1.

This site had done more for me in one visit, than the NHS in 12 years. So nothing new between the NHS and Gulf Veterans then!

Its tough reading being a suffer as its a bit to close to home. But I would recommend anyone to battle through their emotions and read it.

Good site, you should be a professional.

 

Date:

15 December 2007

Time:

01:20

Comments

Not quite sure what to say but I feel that now I've seen your site there is something that I can do before my life goes down the pan I've tried telling my wife about the stuff I've seen and she says it turns her stomach, boo-hoo, I have kids and sometimes when they play up I want to tell them how much a ten year old screams when he has got no arms and to not be so selfish but even after that I'm not sure if I've got ptsd, if I'd rather be in the snow covered mountains of Bosnia at Christmas instead of with my family who day by day I feel are greedy and selfish, does that qualify I'm just rambling but my doctor is Portuguese and I don't trust anybody who doesn't have military background where can I go before I end up homeless or dead, rob

Rob, please email me via Andy@ptsd.org.uk and we can talk and I can steer you to the best places to get help from.  I too was in Bosnia and there is help for you.  I look forward to speaking from you soon.  Andy

 

Date:

15 December 2007

Time:

01:20

Comments

I'm not sure I belong on here as I am not ex services (although my parents we redcaps) I have been trying to find out more about PTSD after I was diagnosed with it. 11 years ago I was a Civi working in my normal job when a bomb was planted next to where I work and we got a bomb warning after spending nearly 45 mins running up and down a 16 story building trying to clear each room and office, I was about to leave the building when the very last person was told to run right across a bridge to the evacuation point, I remember looking out to her at the door she ran left, As I realised she was heading into the bomb I ran after her to stop her along with a fireman with me, as we got to her the Air rippled like a stone being thrown into water I never did hear the bang. 10 years I knew something was wrong with me with my temper and moods, then this year I passed my motorbike test thought id do it before I reached 40, 3 months after taking my test a 17 year old girl who only passed her driving test the day before hit me at a junction head on she was racing her boyfriend who was in the car behind. The last thing I remember was my face meeting her windscreen, oddly enough I didn't hear that bang either. It left me in a wheelchair, For some reason the bike accident now mingles with the flashbacks and night mares from 11 years ago. I went to my GP as I couldn't take it any more, I had to wait and have assessments by the mental health team who came back to me with PTSD. I'm now on a 6 month waiting list for CBT. I have read some of your stories and definitely don't feel I belong here.

Excellent site

WigansBrianPotter

Brian, although the website was set-up to support ex-service veterans, I do help other people from all walks of life and many of the WebPages can be used by anyone suffering from PTSD.  Hang in there my friend, CBT does really work and will help you a lot.  Have a lovely Christmas,  Andy

 

Date:

20 December 2007

Time:

13:37

Comments

I've just been diagnosed as having PTSD. This stems from an incident in the Falklands in 1987, when an army driver died while I was attempting to rescue him. I was an RAF fireman and he had been in collision with a drunk driver who'd nicked a 4 tonner. For 18 years I've been getting progressively worse without realisation. I've had several failed relationships, abandoned all contact with close family including children, parents & siblings. Thoughts of suicide are very frequent visitors and a recent episode prompted me to visit a doctor for the 1st time in about 15 years. I'm now on a 6 month waiting list for CBT. I'm out of work at the moment and skint obviously but I've bitten the bullet and contacted the legion & SSAFA who are being a big help & turns out I may be entitled to some form of pension. I suppose I'm trying to say I know what's wrong with me and that I'm not on my own. I want to get back to work and I've discovered Remploy have services I'd recommend. Thanks for the web site Andy, it is a good place to come visit.

 

Date:

4 January 2008

Time:

20:18

Comments

Hi Andy, thank you for this site. It has provided me with more info than anything else I have looked at tonight. Today I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I'm 24, I have a fantastic husband and a gorgeous one year old. I'm in teacher training. I have so much to lose, I am scared about having this thing. But I think I am very lucky - I don't suffer with the depression that so many people have mentioned here. My symptoms seem to only happen at night - flashbacks, horrific images in my mind, thoughts that my little boy will go next....... I'm starting with 2 weeks on temazepam to kick the insomnia, then a referral to psychiatric counselling. Wish me luck.......

 

Date:

6 January 2008

Time:

15:57

Comments

Hi Andy,

Thank you for this website, you may have saved my marriage, and potentially my partners life.

I served in the Falklands war as a Stoker on a Type 42 Destroyer and narrowly escaped being sent to the bottom of the South Atlantic by a pure fluke.

Like many people on here, I have struggled through life thinking I was either a bit mad or over-reacting to minor incidents.

The hyper-alertness, use of drink, inability to communicate, refusal to acknowledge there may be a problem and most of all - the mask of normality to other people that must be kept in place at all times. To let it slip is weakness and civvies don't have a clue if you try to relate your experiences anyway.

Things have come to a head now, I am either working flat out and the life and soul of the party or crushed, uncommunicative and explode into an ice-cold fury for no or very little reason. On New Years day I attacked my wife - who I have been with since 1981 - and it is only by the grace of God that she wasn't seriously hurt or even killed.

I am on my last chance in life and I intend to use it.

Your site has made me realise that I am not alone, that there ARE people who understand and that there can be a way out of this evil cycle. I'm going to contact Combat Stress this week.

Cheers for this site Andy, keep up the cause and I'll keep you posted.

Ben C.

Hi Ben, if you want to talk to me direct in confidence the email me through my direct email address of Andy@ptsd.org.uk

 

Date:

9 January 2008

Time:

15:34

Comments

Thanks for the website Andy, I've just this week contacted Combat Stress, after suffering for 25 years. So hopefully I'll lock these demons away once and for all,

All the best,

Kev

Ex leading seaman (m)

Falklands 82

 

Date:

15 January 2008

Time:

15:21

Comments

Thank you so much for creating this website. I have a friend who has PTSD and although I can relate to a certain level due to my own depression, I never truly understood. Your site has opened my eyes and given me a new understanding. THANK YOU!!!

 

Date:

15 January 2008

Time:

17:41

Comments

I've been with my lovely partner for over 18 months now. I knew from the onset of our relationship that he was Ex Forces and I loved him regardless. We shared a similar upbringing in the North of England and shared many similar interests and a love of life.

I myself had been in mental health nursing for over 12 years, and thought that I would be able to support my future husband through anything. How wrong was I!!!

As I had never been in a relationship with an ex soldier before, I didn't quite know what to expect. I did get an idea when he used to visit me before he moved in. At the time when I met him, he had been out of the forces for 5 years. I love him and I will stay with him unconditionally.

I love this man dearly and would do anything to help him. I know there is someone else out there who is also experiencing and knows what's happening and how I can continue to support him. He recognises that he suffers from PTSD, as I have found out, he deals with it in his own ways.

He also acknowledges that he needs to 'talk' to someone, but someone who knows what he is going through.

The nights are the worst, the dreams and constant nightmares can be horrendous. He does like a drink at the weekend, this tends to be the time that he divulges more of what really affects him on a daily basis, and he states that the nightmares/sweats are less frequent and severe when he's had a drink. He also says that expressing his feelings was a thing that wasn't the done thing when he was serving, but should have received some type of counselling whilst in.

Events happened to him & his friends in the tours of Northern Ireland, Kosovo, Iraq etc that he says he will never be able to talk about. He was severely injured a few times, but thankfully, he manages, broken and old before his time, he thinks himself extremely lucky to be here, although at times I think he would sooner not be.

I know that I am never going to be able to fully understand how he feels, but I would like to know if there are other people who suffer with this and from family members who live with this daily. Even though he's not serving now, he will always be a soldier, and this he lives with every day of his life

With love & respect to all xx M

 

Date:

22 January 2008

Time:

17:49

Comments

I applaud your site. Unfortunately it didn't exist or I didn't come across it when I needed it. I had to work through the panic attacks and self doubt mostly on my own for 2 years. All I was offered were anti-depressants which I knew would have no effect on anxiety.

Despite my problem stemming from the 2004 Tsunami in which family and friends were badly injured or lost altogether, PTSD wasn't even considered until last year. With that diagnosis and a fantastic person-centred counsellor, I started a rapid and enlightening recovery discovering many of your self-help techniques by personal trial.

For the past 2-3 months, and for the first time in 3 years, I actually have myself back. But it is a stronger, grown-up, (dare I say) wiser me than I left behind. I also 'know' myself and I'm happy with who that person is.

At the time of my probs, I was desperate to find the thing inside me that was wrong. I simply believed no-one else suffered such irrationality and this made me more reluctant to express my anxiety as trips to the docs were usually received with

 

Date:

30 January 2008

Time:

17:33

Comments

I was in the Royal Air Force from 1961-1970 serving as a RAF Police Dog Handler. I was posted to Aden in 1966-67 and was volunteered by my Command Provost Marshall to provide a tracker dog team for the Army. The RAF are not noted for sending their ground support men into fighting battles, preferring to send their Officers to do that. I was suddenly involved in battles without proper training and had to resort to my weapons, firstly my dog, then my pistol to save my own life. Some of the incidents were horrific and bloody. The result of this is that I suffer from PTSD now with flash backs and extremely bad dreams and panic attacks. This complaint is no joke. The Government has caused the problem and now it is the charities like Combat Stress that pick up the pieces. I have just spent a week at one of their centres and have been helped a lot. It shouldn't be like this, the services should have a duty to their ex-servicemen and women for care and assessment before they are discharged

 

Date:

5 February 2008

Time:

22:54

Comments

I would just like to say Iv found your web site very helpful.  I have had my first visit from Combat Stress today. Your site made me realise I needed to get help so thank you for that.

 

Date:

22 February 2008

Time:

13:13

Comments

It doesn't matter what you did for your country, the average member of the public two hoots. They think that suffering with PTSD is same as them having a bad day. They have no idea of the internal turmoil that is going on with PTSD. Try telling someone in a job application that you suffer with PTSD!! Then you become something out of a mental hospital. Don't know why I bothered putting my neck on the line.

 

Date:

12 March 2008

Time:

00:09

Comments

Hi, I have just come across your web site and found it very interesting, I am an ex member of 1 Cheshire, after serving in Bosnia, I was a changed person, my wife and my family said I had changed, I just thought they were stupid.

I finally left the regiment in 1998 for 5 years I had been suffering nightmares and been told they would go away.

Not long after leaving I came home from work and my wife was watching a program called warriors on BBC, within five minutes of sitting down and started watching it I ended up in tears, being reminded of what went on over there.

from then on I got progressively worse to the point of where I think I had a break down, I went to see my GP who just put it down to stress of leaving the army and put me on a course of beater blockers.

As you can imagine I quickly gave up on the NHS.

Some days are worse than most daily life is a big struggle, if it wasn't for my wife who has stuck by me throughout I would of ended up in the gutter.

I finally managed to face up to facts after people who knew told me about the documentary that Panorama did on PTSD, it took about a year to go

and see my GP and then I didn't admit to what was wrong finally 18 months ago he diagnosed me with PTSD, I have since been to combat stress and made some really good friends, as all my friends I grew up with don't have anything to do with me, I lost contact with my friends in my regiment because I just distanced myself from everything and everyone.

I take every day as a challenge and don't plan anything or raise my hopes up.

Combat stress have been really good, it has given me hope, which I didn't have before, its a shame that more help isn't readily available.

hopefully from now on as it is becoming more known about and the symptoms are more known everyone can get help, its a shame you have to wait so long.

 

Date:

24 March 2008

Time:

23:46

Comments

Hi I am a 24 year old female soldier serving in the army. I have been in the army six years and in June 2007 last year I was hit in a mortar attack I was initially diagnosed with ptsd but have now been discharged from my cpn. I don't know if I was ready for that and now I feel very lost I often feel very lonely and isolated I am still undergoing treatment for my injuries and have not returned to work yet. I don't know if I have ptsd or maybe I'm just being miserable and not helping myself I would just like to feel like someone understood me for once. I try to keep busy with my daughter and husband but as soon as I stop and have time on my hands I find myself dwelling on all the things I remember from the incident and I worry about my future a lot. is this ptsd or just me. I'm confused as the cpn says I'm better. anyone with any suggestions please help.

Please email at Andy@ptsd.org.uk and we can talk in confidence and try help you understand what you are going through and try to look at ways we can get you through the coming weeks and months.

 Andy