GUEST BOOK ARCHIVED MESSAGES

 

April 2003 - July 2003

 

Date:

01 Apr 2003

Time:

14:06:32

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Comments

I comfort when sad. I pull him back when depression sets in. I censor all mail. I watch his restless and aggressive sleep. I am in the firing range of verbal abuse when a news item 'sets him off'. I feel the eyes and hear the whispers that follow me out of Welfare Department offices when he has lost his patience, again. I am the chauffeur because road rage has reared its ugly head. I am the pacifier in a very fragile family unit. I am the negotiator between Dad and two small children. I am the chemist overseeing the small pile of medication. I stand embarrassed at the stares from other shoppers as he checks the car for 'booby traps'. I also suffer from depression, anxiety and stress. I am alone when I need love and emotional support. I am a silent victim of PTSD. Who am I? I am the loving wife and carer of a NI Veteran. Thank you for your site. As the wife of an ex UK Serviceman who is currently fighting the MOD for a pension after they diagnosed and 'treated' him (they said he was cured as he 'said he was OK' on discharge), it is great to see so much support for the 'unforgotten victims of war'. We have learned so much about PTSD over the last 5 years from the Vietnam Veterans here in OZ but find it difficult to get help for issues that face families of younger veterans, especially with small children like us. It is good to see that so much is being done in the UK that we may be able to tap into. We would like to prevent our children if possible from one day appearing on some of the horrible statistics relating to Vietnam Veterans Children. I'm sure the MOD think they sent one serviceman to war and have forgotten the 4 soldiers battling the rest of their lives. If any wives/carers or Veterans have anything they can offer us or just want a chat we are at worrolls@tpg.com.au. Keep up the good work we will be visiting here often.

Date:

01 Apr 2003

Time:

15:01:31

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Comments

Andy having just visited your site, I am aware that there is a lack of info regarding guidance and help for relationship issues ( Communication between couples). I am a sufferer and know the difficulty within my own relationship (over the past 8yrs). We all have needs but our vision gets blocked by our introspection and selfish/selfcenteredness when we go of on one. I feel that further education between couples would not only be preventative but is necessary for healthy relationships. see (Time for Families) this may help. My love to all in pain and hurt your not alone. Terry

Date:

05 Apr 2003

Time:

13:53:07

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Comments

I'm a studentgirl from Poland Thank U for materials about PTSD. Good Luck I wish U all the best and I hope that someday U all forget about war.

Date:

09 Apr 2003

Time:

13:40:44

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Comments

This is an excellent site! As a qualified counsellor I particularly like the comment "it is a normal response to an abnormal situation". Good luck I only hope this will reach those who really need it.

Date:

13 Apr 2003

Time:

21:30:22

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Comments

Hi. I found a link to your site from another one to do with PTSD. I think it's wonderful to have this online resourse and support. I think the biggest problem that most people have is the problem of not having a place to freely and openly talk about their real experiences and thoughts.

I personally know PTSD but mine relates to childhood and growing up experiences, and yeah, a violent rape by a stranger at age 19 (I didn't press charges even tho the police and hospital were upset with me and wanted me to. Nowaday they can press charges on their own, and would, a wierd gynaechologist at age 28 (I never told about that one but one day, 10 years later, I read a news story about a lot of other women who came forward in a class action lawsuit and charges against him for having done a lot of the same things to me. Some women received much worse from him. TEN YEARS LATER It all came out!!!

I've gone thru a lot of guilt for having said nothing that could have stopped him from doing his thing for another 10 years with his other patients. I still feel so bad about that part.

You all know the dynamic of "spacing/dissociating" etc. Well, I was pretty good at it. (smile) Also the hypervigilance. The flashbacks. The nightmares. The whole 9 yards. Yep I know.

PTSD is PTSD is PTSD ... and it can effect every aspect of life and all relationships, especially the most important relationship... the one with yourself.

So YES... I'm very glad to have all this coming out into the open, especially for our soldiers. Canada is getting better at recognizing PTSD as a valid stress related response that needs help and support and needs to be especially available to our military service people. I think on the whole, it sounds as though service people have really been ignored and forgotten once they served their time.

We can't let the governments forget who does the dirty work, and the suffering, for the sake of making life better.

I'm sorry... am babbling on here. I'm doing ok but haven't publicly talked much about some things...like the not telling on that Dr Wierd.

Don't take any you-know-what hey? And by the way... I have nothing but the deepest respect and gratitude for those of you who actually went and did and do "the dirty work" for the rest of us, military, police, paramedics...and so on. Thumbs up and hats off :-)!!!!!!! C from Canada

Date:

22 Apr 2003

Time:

23:55:00

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Comments

Hi Andy

This weekend was my first chance to take a reality check and face the music!!!

As an ex Falklands vet & 3 tours of Northern Ireland, I like most have seen, done and been a apart of some god damn awful sites? These task/ops we carried out on our fellow man, which we were of course trained to do!! I guess that’s where the whole thing falls down! After the tour, conflict, operation or what ever flowery name they like to call it, you have a couple of weeks R & R and then back into learning how do it all over again… “And I wonder why I am “*^”*+ in the head”

I left the services 12 years ago and I have always run away for from the real reason for my Nightmares, aggression, evil temper, need for control, marriage and relationship breakdowns, lost contact with my 2 sons, financial yoyo, drinking to oblivion to mention just a few….

I am researching all avenues to see what help I can get for my illness, I would just like to say thank you for helping so many share and talk about their problems, with likeminded humans………

James jamesgs1@yahoo.com

Date:

29 Apr 2003

Time:

23:18:12

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Comments

From one Audley Court vet to another. Great job keep up the work. The more the world gets to know about PTSD the less injustice there will be for ex forces when the world goes pear shaped for them. Nothing wrong with me the worlds screwed up

Date:

02 May 2003

Time:

00:07:54

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Comments

Hi, I have just come out of treatment for alcoholism, while there I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had no Idea that what I was experiencing for the last 20 yrs ( guilt,shame,nightmares,loss of self-worth)you know the symptoms were a result of PTSD. Am an ex-RM who saw and did what no man should in NI in the early 80's. Am just starting treatment for PTSD, if only there were sites like this all those yrs ago I might not be the mental wreck I am now.

Mark

Date:

07 May 2003

Time:

19:30:59

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Comments

Just been on your web sight SOME OF THESE SYMPTOMS ARE SCARY BUT JUST ITS MEEEEE jOHN.

Date:

07 May 2003

Time:

19:32:57

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Comments

Just been on your web sight, SOME OF THESE SYMPTOMS ARE VERY SCARRY. J J

Date:

12 May 2003

Time:

03:55:27

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Comments

andy,excellant site i know,vietnam 68

Date:

16 May 2003

Time:

20:39:27

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Comments

Hi Andy,

My name is Ron Visser staf sergeant in the royal netherlands Army, i served into Lebanon, Sinai(israel) and Gulf and Bosnia, my wive and 4 childeren left me because my PTSD, and i live now at my own, good site ! Ron Visser unifil1980@msn.com www.bluehelmet.nl

Date:

18 May 2003

Time:

19:14:36

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Comments

stumbled onto your site i have tourette syndrome iwas called up for national service 1957 sent to the royal arritillary the mental and phychicalabuse was inhumane medicall disharged and thrown out why

Date:

20 May 2003

Time:

11:14:32

Remote User:

 

Comments

Hi,Andy EXCELLENT site,I am honoured to sign your guestbook.I was born into the Army and then went on to serve.I look at things this way,We meaning,All of us took part in the ultimate competitions,in history,Now if life is about competition,and economics,wich fair enough we can accept that,Why is the M.O.D. being so economical with the truth.My own Army career was brought to an abrupt end after only 2 years due to P.T.S.D. wich was and is still denied,I have all the usual labels,and would firmly agree with Andy who the hell,can you trust.I have Renamed my P.T.S.D. as Product,of a Twisted,Sick,Democracy.if as no doubt the brave penpushers,in M.O.D. read this then please feel free to exercise your democratic right and bloody well sue me. Best wishes to all who visit this site. Regards Andy and many thanks. Mike

Date:

22 May 2003

Time:

21:52:01

Remote User:

 

Comments

Firstly, Thankyou Andy for producing this wonderfully useful and informative website. Secondly, my heart goes out to all PTSD sufferers, I have it myself, though due to domestic violence. I have not come to terms with what happened to me, so I have found it useful to research military PTSD, and have found it helpful to know that others out there have the same symptoms as I (even though of course the causes are different, but can be considered similar on some levels). After 2 years of wondering what the hell was happening to me, I was diagnosed by my GP, and was put on an NHS waiting list. While waiting I tried to claim compensation, but found that because my case hadn't been recorded properly....seen as 'simply a domestic - leave it alone', I missed out on £12,000 compensation. I didn't get a penny. Hearing the news yesterday, that the Falklands Veterans had been denied compensation, reminded me of how I felt when I lost out on my compensation. I decided to reach out and do something - so, as well as writing this message I am going to work to raise the profile of PTSD in the military. Work is already being done in the domestic violence area, and in my opinion, the military issue requires more attention. I am now a civilian instructor at my local Air Training Corps. I hope to work my way up to RAF VR(T). I'm going to raise money by doing sponsored events for relevant PTSD charities. Please post any suggestions to ket@broodyhen.co.uk Thankyou, and Best wishes.

Date:

24 May 2003

Time:

19:25:07

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Comments

Hi Andy,I just discovered your site and I found it as theraputic as the twenty odd years of therapy,the hundreds of gallons of bells whisky and the boxes and boxes of anti deppressants. Not to mention the four wives and the children who grew up with no daddy.I have been in Canada since demob in 76 and I guess the point I am trying to make is that after all these years, I decided to apply for a disability pension and so I found THE ROYAL BRITISH LEGION website and everything you need is right there.Even for me living in Canada it was a relativly easy process.Anyway you British vets, the government owes us big time so get claiming

Date:

25 May 2003

Time:

09:13:25

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Comments

My 8year old son asked me DAD? WHY DO PEOPLE TELL LIES, I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT ONE AND SAID SON,ASK YOUR LOCAL M.P.THEY HAVE GOT IT OF TO A FINE ART.

Date:

25 May 2003

Time:

20:59:59

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Comments

Hi, first I want to thank you for this page, it is very helpful! Ok, I know someone that started being depressed, without concentration, she lost her memories about the teen years, had nightmares, confusion. She says she knows something happened (she is remembering now),but she does not know exactily what, when she gets in the point of the supposed trauma , she can't remember. She has been diagnosed as a schizophrenic person though... But everything started when she was living at risk to be in traumatic situation...

My question is: Could she being suffering of PTSD, instead of Schizophrenia?

Could a trauma develop a mental illness, such as Schizo...?

Please send me your opinion, it'll be really helpful,

Thank you so much!

Date:

26 May 2003

Time:

09:13:49

Remote User:

 

Comments

hi mate im stan standish and am the NW rep for sama 82 if there is anything i can do to help re pensions and getting people to hospital ect i have all the direct contacts to do that with out hassle e mail me on stansama82@btopenworld.com regards stan

Date:

26 May 2003

Time:

16:06:56

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Comments

So the Judgement went against the veterans in the court case against the MOD. Once again the government are being allowed to do an ostritch impression, bury their heads in the sand and pretend they owe nothing to those service personnel suffering from PTSD! Its nice to know that our justice system still isn't out there for those who need it the most! Does this mean that once this Gulf war is over it will be another ten or twenty years until the next set of veterans are going to have the trauma of PTSD hit them and still have nowhere to go and no one to turn to?

Date:

29 May 2003

Time:

01:35:12

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Comments

I did not know what was wrong with me. One day I put a .357mag bullet in my chest. The V.A. told me I had P.T.S.D. , after thay learned my history. All I can say now is I'm starting to get help, and thank you for your web site.

Date:

30 May 2003

Time:

01:03:13

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Comments

iam mark 33 i served in bosnia in 92,i have served in the gulf and 4 times in ni.i like you have ptsd.earlmark@hotmail.com

Date:

31 May 2003

Time:

21:48:27

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Comments

Oh God! Thank You!

Date:

04 Jun 2003

Time:

14:10:25

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Comments

Have found your web-site excellent. I served as a chaplain in the British Army for 25 years (1967 - 1992) and argued before and after the first Gulf War for the psychological preparation of service personnel for combat and for debriefing or defusing when they came home and for ongoing monitoring and support but, like some others, was not listened to.

I now work as a consultant and trainer specialising in post-trauma stress and PTSD.

Frank Parkinson

Date:

06 Jun 2003

Time:

09:09:41

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Comments

ANDY, After putting my comments on your site, I have since been approached by a psychologist who seems to be trying to understand and help, PEOPLE with P.T.S.D. however,after 2 sessions with this poor man,during wich I asked him to face his own fears and recognize the fact,that his inexperience is preventing him from any good intention he may have in assisting the treatment of P.T.S.D. he told me "Fairly I believe",that he has a great deal to learn,and that in some 17 years in his work in psychology,he feels humbled by the work done by your website. I would welcome your comments Andy and best wishes to Nigel, see comments 18/8/02 well done Mate: Any contact welcome via the email train. M.wyness@btinternet.com

Date:

15 Jun 2003

Time:

11:17:10

Remote User:

 

Comments

I don't think that i had PTSD, but i went through all the symptoms when i got out the ARMY in 2001 after serving 23 years. The MOD just don't want to know you when you leave. Only wish i had seen the WEB site earlier. I have got my self sorted out now But i do feel for all the people that do have PTSD and i think that this WEB site will help.

Date:

16 Jun 2003

Time:

21:39:00

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Comments

Andy its Mike again,Hi and please for the good of everyone who uses the site can you please reply to my email messages,I have recently come into contact with David from www.ptsd999.org.uk and would ask anyone who feels able to contact him to please do so without delay,This guy is going out of his way to help in the fight for P.T.S.D. sufferers with little help from anyone,Surely someone can spare 2 minutes to email him. Regards as always to all.

Date:

22 Jun 2003

Time:

19:10:14

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Comments

ANDY woner if any of the Medical people would like to take part in a sponsored Parachute Jump in support of PTSD Applications From Psychologists especially welcome full details available from, www.trauma999.co.uk Regards as usual to all. m.wyness@btinternet.com

Date:

01 Jul 2003

Time:

18:28:07

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Comments

Hia Andy, thanks so much for a wonderful site. Only wish I had known about this site years ago. I am no longer alone......may catch you at Audley Court when I am dropping my husband off sometime....Jennie

Date:

01 Jul 2003

Time:

21:29:06

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Comments

Andy, Could I pass this message to all former N.I. SUFFERERS of PTSD, YES!! There is real HELP out there,and IF!! YOU are SERIOUS about needing HELP, From This Countries Leading,and FULLY QUALIFIED,MANs Man, Wifes Girlfriends or CARERS , PLEASE PLEASE,Pick up the phone and ring,DAVE+ANNE BENNETT NOW!!! Tel:01792-521063. DO you WANT TO Wait for another GOD Knows how many years: if you cant ring please email,www.trauma999.co.uk Thank You Sandberet you are a brilliant BLOKES BLOKE

Date:

01 Jul 2003

Time:

21:59:56

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Comments

i am not an ex service person, however my father is. whilst trawling the net i found your site i was diagnosed as having ptsd following a car accident and found the information on anxiety and how to cope very usefull. thanks, shame there are not more sites like this one. makes me realise im not alone and not going completely mad.

Date:

05 Jul 2003

Time:

13:48:57

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Comments

This is a most amazing and heartwarming site. I cannot tell you how much this site will mean to so very many people who have suffered in the past, and may suffer in the future. You are to be commended for this tireless work and I will be making sure everyone I know hears about you from both word of mouth and through a site I am a member of.

Victoria Evans Yellow Ribbon Foundation

Date:

07 Jul 2003

Time:

10:14:57

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Comments

What a superb site.

I am a serving police officer, who suffered a 'breakdown due to work load' whilst serving on a traffic department, and having dealt with 30 fatal collisions in a 2 year span. I have struggled with depression and discrimination since that date. Today someone suggested I may suffer from PTSD and I found your site through a search engine - It certainly answers an awful lot of my questions. Now perhaps I can start to do something about it, shame I didn't realise it 2 years ago. Thanks again.

Date:

10 Jul 2003

Time:

09:42:37

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Comments

Andy, We have just visited your web-site again this morning. It is very good. Keep up the good work, and remember that COMBAT STRESS is there to help the service veterans who come to you seeking advice

Toby Elliott

Date:

11 Jul 2003

Time:

09:26:36

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Comments

This is an excellent site...Having all the to-the point needed no-nonsense details about PTSD and stress...

I am not a war veteran...I am a normal workplace victim...Still I can feel how this feels...

Thanks for the service

Muthu

Date:

13 Jul 2003

Time:

21:20:55

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Comments

Andy, AS A HUMAN BEING TO ANOTHER, I have Just heard a Radio Wales Program, during wich a very GOOD and KIND MAN, who goes by the name GUS,Describe P.T.S.D. as Experienced FIRST HAND FROM THE FALKLANDS WAR, Can anyone then continue to DENY This Man and his Family any Kind of HUMAN COMPASSION,may I suggest that ANY Former Members of,9Para,sqn,R.E. Who know GUS please make contact I Know this guy and recognize the TOTAL DISTRESS he continues to Suffer to this Day,wich is putting an Enormous Strain on his Family AS well as Himself Gus has TOLD his TRUTH on Radio Wich I think speaks volumes about His courage and His Total Rejection of VIOLENCE in all its forms. Mike.

Date:

13 Jul 2003

Time:

21:43:40

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Comments

andy, Just popped into Mikes House,To see as he told me,that I am not MAD at all,but am suffering from a normal reaction to an abnormal experience, am a bit pissed at the moment as usual but find it helps me get along is he rite or am i fucking nuts cos i was in the falklands and it was a shithole from the start the missus has gone now dont blame her a bit got to go hope you have good luck with wat you are doing i am fucked up and only ever speak to mike wen im totaled bye mates

Date:

14 Jul 2003

Time:

04:36:30

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Comments

"Thought on War" Deng-Ming Dao, a taoist monk several thousand years before Christ

...If you hold a real weapon in your hand, you will feel its character strongly. It begs to be used. It is fearsome. Its only purpose is death, and its power is not just in the material from which it is made, but also from the intention of its maker. It is regrettable that weapons must be used, but occasionally, survival demands it. The wise go forth with weapons only as a last resort. They never rejoice in the skill of weapons, nor do they glorify war. When death, pain and destruction are visited upon what you hold to be most sacred, the spiritual price is devastating. What hurts more than one's own suffering is bearing witness to the suffering of others. The regret of seeing human beings at their worst and sheer pain of not being able to help the victims can never be redeemed. If you go personally to war, you cross the line yourself. You sacrifice ideals for survival and fury of killing. That alters you forever. That is why no one rushes to be a soldier. Think before you want to change so unalterably. The stakes are not merely one's life, but one's very own humanity.

...I served as an army nurse in Viet Nam 1970. PTSD is the monster that alienates me from any happiness. Once I think it is under control, the fire starts all over again. It is an honor to post on your site. Thank you...

Date:

19 Jul 2003

Time:

10:25:27

Remote User:

 

Comments

Hi,ANDY. JUST A QUICK MESSAGE,IT SEEMS THERE ARE A FEW GROUPS OUT THERE,USING THE ISSUE OF P.T.S.D. AS A MONEY MAKING EXCERCISE,OR TO LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCES ON YOUR SITE,OF REAL PEOPLE AND THEN SHOOT OFF TO GET QUALIFICATIONS FOR THEMSELVES!! NOW THAT!! IS A PERSONAL INSULT!!! TO EVERYONE WHO COMES FORWARD AND PUTS REAL LIFE!! FACTS AND GENUINE EXPERIENCES!! OF P.T.S.D. ON THE SITE. AS ANY OF US KNOW IT IS HARD ENOUGH TO TALK ABOUT P.T.S.D. TO END THIS MANKY PRACTICE BY THOSE WHO SEEK TO GAIN,FROM REAL VETERANS LIFE EXPERIENCES AND THE FUTURE OF THEIRS AND THEIR FAMILIES FUTURE WELFARE,A REAL!! GROUP OF PEOPLE HAVE TAKEN ACTION TO ADDRESS THIS SUBJECT,PLEASE SEE MESSAGE POSTED AT,www.trauma999.co.uk AS ANY EX-SQUADDIE WILL TELL YOU, AN EYE FULL IS BETTER THAN AN EARFULL. ASK THEM ABOUT "SANDBERET" aka SANDY. Good luck to all and BELIEVE me WE are THERE for all,Including FAMILIES who are getting a RAW DEAL AS PER USUAL: Mike

Date:

21 Jul 2003

Time:

20:12:59

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Comments

I don't go about shouting off my mouth about the time I've spent in uniform but if I let it slip in a conversation, invariably I'm asked..."Did you see action?" I have learnt to count to 10.If this person asking the question, means did I serve time in trenchs or see pitched battles, the answer is NO! Did I get to see the results of the lowest form of human barbarism perpetrated by so called "FREEDOM FIGHTERS" then the answer is YES!When I look at pictures of myself in uniform, a super fit, tanned, confident looking 22 year old corporal, I wonder why I looked so cocky? I had seen Villages burnt to the ground, herds of cattle slaughted, bloated in the sun, blackened fields, hospitals & schools destroyed and smelled that gut churning strench of decaying human flesh, learning to cope with that old army idiosyncrasy of "Hurry up and waite" and hoping like hell if and when the shit hits the fan during follow up operations and hot persuits against these "FREEDOM FIGHTERS" that I don't get it in the neck etc.And this was long before the term "ethnic cleansing" was coined. I lost 3 school friends ( one as a result of wounds sustained during a land mine blast [I wasn't present, but helped bury what was left of him,in a full military style funeral], one as a result of friendly fire [I think], one has been in & out of mental hospitals for 20 years)so I guess I'm the lucky one! Still haven't been able to decide why I tried to kill myself a year after completing my service? No problem, my Dad managed to get it right when he topped himself in '87. He had served against the Mau Mau in Kenya, who knows what his experiences were? He never really spoke about them. My wife... has tried to figure all this out but after 18 years of nightmares & long silences, binge drinking, self pity & occasional out-bursts of self destructive rage, I think she has all but given up.And if you ever get to meet me, you'd probably think "I appear to be a very normal looking guy!" I'm not sure if I will find the answers I need in this amazing web site, but I hope for me it's going to be a small step in the right direction.Thank you.

Date:

24 Jul 2003

Time:

09:56:34

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Comments

I was a Police Officer for 29 years, and was injured five years before retirement. Now,10 years on from the injury, I am suffering terribly. The world is divided into two camps isn't it .. those who can run from danger and those who through duty run towards it. And don't we pay the price! This site has been a help to me, there is a perverse comfort in knowing you are not drowning on your own. I will get help. Thanks.

Date:

30 Jul 2003

Time:

21:04:09

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Comments

Andy well what can i say! i have gone through your site with the usual apprehention and fear of what might be and its now offical. I am a nutter! IM eddie. Now 28 but at 19 serving in Bosnia in 1995. I have been diagnosed with PTSD by the MOD and yes even them! THE WAR PENSIONS MOB! I Occasionally Visit Auldey Court (HI to all the lads) You KNOW WHO U ARE! LOL! I must admit its a little grounding to go through a tick list with your wife and just say, Yep to every entry! But on the other hand reading some of these notices in your guest book is reassuring and comforting in a strange way. We are not alone! We may have been abandoned by our "Family" the Army, Navy, RAF etc, but we do all have one thing in common......EACH OTHER! The only Thing i can possibly think of to improve your site would to have a small chat room or somthing? So that even at Daft:oclock in the morning if u feel like it, There are other people out there.( None of us sleep anyway...Too many Meds)!!! To at least chat to or just sit in and listen. A privallige not too many of us get before its too late and your sat with a community shrink asking " So why did u suddenly feel you are worthless"? Or the age old classic " I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH"!!!!!!! PS: im still working through the "Twisted Thinking" page! :) Again thanks for the site and to ANYone out there there is a light at the end of the tunnel....SOMEWHERE! My best wishes to all... Eddie. eddiebedzy@hotmail.com.

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Definition

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a natural emotional reaction to a deeply shocking and disturbing experience. It is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.