Date:

02 Oct 2004

Time:

05:19:06

Remote User:

 

Comments

I did find a lot of items that were very simular to how I feel and though I have not been diagnoised withPTSD but instead acute depression -treatment resistence. There are many symtoms and descriptions that fit me and it was good to read this from someone's point of view "that has been there done that" Thank you for your wisdom to put this site up.

Date:

10 Oct 2004

Time:

16:06:33

Remote User:

 

Comments

i dont know how i found this site on this day of all days, i dont know where to start,ex army served in ni and bosnia(sarajevo) where we were enclaved for almost 7 months.med discharged in 96 due to fitting episodes when i came back, totally out of the blue. army was my life intended to stay in for as long as i could.8 years later i have 2 ex wives, bumbed from job to job, on/of drink problem 2 failed suicide attempts, diagnosed with ptsd. met a woman who loves me dearly but do not know how or what to tell her. been alone for to long, if not fighting with myself, fighting with my demons that keep visisting me at night. i trully beleive im on my own , no one understands, the family i did try to talk to did not want to listen, i am different from others and i do not belong but this site has given me a glimmer, alone? not sure but there is definately people out there who understand!! thank you!!!!

Date:

26 Oct 2004

Time:

16:23:10

Remote User:

 

Comments

The symptoms you describe strike a chord with me. My partner has recently been diagnosed with PTSD - due to being a conscript in a S.African military unit many years ago. It's difficult at times as he's unable to get the help available to ex British forces & he wants to do it without drugs. Hopefully the therapy the GP organised will help - but so far it's been a bit of a rough ride.

Cheers... PJ

Date:

11 Nov 2004

Time:

15:10:14

Remote User:

 

Comments

Many thanks for this invaluable information. I have made contact with Combat Stress after 14 years of suffering alone.

Date:

15 Nov 2004

Time:

03:35:52

Remote User:

 

Comments

I was diagnosed with ptsd in 1993 after serving in the gulf war 90-91.for many years i thought i was going mad,i still think im going mad sometimes(more often than not)wot helped me was staying at ty-gwyn and being round people with the same condition,it helps you and re-asures you....the hard thing is putting everything the shrinks and counsellors and care workers have taught you into practice,cos its all in our heads....at the end of the day its down to me to sort it out....

Date:

15 Nov 2004

Time:

13:03:10

Remote User:

 

Comments

Ive been to see the GP, what use is that, standad anti depressants. Im going to give it a go, got to, deep down I really want to. Cant handle this beastie in the back of my head anymore. Need some help, want to talk with someone. The family and freinds think in loopy im sure.

Take care

Lenny

Date:

08 Dec 2004

Time:

04:57:58

Remote User:

 

Comments

Dear Beloved Ones: I have read and I understand and feel your pain. My name is Liz. I live in the USA. I am a Vietnam era veteran. I served in the US Army. I, too, have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress. It can be a very debilitating disease. Andy, I commend you on this site. It is clear that many are in need of help. Help comes in many many forms. For those who read my comments, remember this: With education, medication and a good support group, you CAN live with and learn to manage your PTSD. There is no cure, however, there is always HOPE for tomorrow. Sometimes, we must live from moment to moment. One day we "wake up" in a "living hell". You are not alone. Your "quality of life" can improve. The "trauma or traumas" may have come about at a very young age, such as in childhood, or as a teen, or frankly, at anytime during your life. PTSD was once commonly known in the USA and other places as "battle fatigue" or "broken heart" disorder. PTSD is more often than not MISdiagnosed as Bipolar Disorder, Adjustment Disorder and an array of other psychiatric disorders. I was MISdiagnosed for more years than I care to recall. During the last 15 years or so and particularly within the last 7 years I have come to understand my PTSD and the UNDERlying disorders of my PTSD., i.e, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Panic and Anxiety Disorder, somewhat chronic bouts of Depression, passive/agressiveness, hypervigilance, sleep disturbance, flashbacks, irritability, occasional suicidal/homicidal ideations, - this is just to name a few. Not to mention the inability to maintain "healthy" relationships and the absolute disgust of authority figures and total distrust of government officials/agencies. Yes, there is more - but too much for this posting. More than anything else, I want all of you who suffer from PTSD or who are significant others of those who suffer to KNOW - you ARE NOT CRAZY, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! and YOU ARE NOT ALONE...you are not alone in feelings the emotions you feel. It does not make any difference if you are suffering from PTSD as a result of military service or suffering as a result of some other trauma; You are NOT alone. There are real live people out here - just like me and you - who are here to help each other learn more about our PTSD so we can help ourselves in improving our quality of life. It is a bad feeling to be told that you will not be able to return to the work force; it is a hard pill to swallow when you realize that you just probably will have to be on medications the rest of your life; it's a bad feeling when someone tell you, "take your pills and get over it" or "you're just crazy!" or "you're not who you used to be". I could write a disseration on PTSD. Know that you are loved by those whom you have never met; know that you are not alone, and there is help out here; know that you are important; know that you CAN and WILL make it - no matter the obstacle. If you would like to know more, please, do not hesitate to contact me at ebcannon@cox.net I know you are there and I am here - but I am willing and humbled to help you learn more and communicate with you and listen to you. I will share with you what I understand and know to be true about PTSD. God Bless each and every one of you. I hope to hear from you soon. Andy, you have done a great job on this site. I will continue to visit on a daily basis as best I can. Please visit vva.org and check out Vietnam Veterans of American, Inc., and their site on PTSD. It will give you hope and you will learn more. Thank you for reaching out to help those who suffer from PTSD. You are doing well. Keep up the good work as the work of educating continues on and on and on. God Bless - Liz

Date:

14 Dec 2004

Time:

11:52:03

Remote User:

 

Comments

hello all,i was diagnosed with PTSD in 1989 whilst serving in the Royal Navy.I was lucky in the fact that i got help after 10 months of going through hell.I was discharged in 1991 aged 21 after 5 years service.What a shock civvy street was and still is sometimes.I am going through a bad patch at the moment,destroying my second marriage with help from my old friends Anger and Violence.I have just come back from an appointment at my doctors.My wife came along to support me.I didnt know where to start or what to say.I couldnt explain the way i was feeling all i know is that my life is falling apart again.My first wife went through hell but we were togeather from when i was diagnosed.My second wife is going through the same thing.I have tried to explain how i feel and why i do and say the things i do.In the end i looked on the net and found some info on PTSD for her to read.I think she understands a little better but its still not right for me to ruin everything we have.And then there`s my kids.Aged 20 months 6,9 and 15 years.what have they done wrong to deserve all this.My doctor doesnt think its the PTSD that is making feel like this but Anxiety.I have to wait for the Community Psychiatric Nurse who i have a emergency appointment with this week.I`m not allowed to drink any alcohol but its the same if i havent drank.This is harder to say than i thought.I have so much to say but dont know how to say it.I`m gonna stop now,not cause i want to because i have never had to chance to talk or listen to anyone else since 1991.When i can think a little straighter i will come back and talk some more.I will tell you all how my visit from the CPN went.

Date:

15 Dec 2004

Time:

15:06:13

Remote User:

 

Comments

I know nothing about PTSD which my son has been diagnosed with, thank you for supplying so much information, Gill Heath a worried mother

Due to some very sick person continuing to put porn sites or Free Drug website info on the guest book I have had to Change the facility to leave messages from Direct user entry to an email service

Please can I make it clear that I never condoned this behaviour or endorsed this info being put on my website and I apologise for any distress this may have caused any of you.

I look forward to receiving you Guest Book entries again very soon.

Andy

 

Date:  

20 Jan 2005

Time:

23:50

Comments

I found your website really useful, but too late as I was diagnosed with ptsd 18 mths ago, I also self harmed and try to overdose 4 times.  But with expert help and medication I am now coming to terms with my past and am happy to report I have not self harmed for 44 weeks and I got married in November last year.  I am lucky as my new husband is very understanding.

 

 

Date:

20 Jan 2005

Time:

23:57

Comments

I don't know who you are but thank you.
I need help and although I am in a forces environment, even though i am  not serving any more, I am so fucked up because of the bullying I endured. I have army welfare working with me (even though I am ex RAF of 11 years)

I am lost in this world. I have already lost a wife and two kids and I am fast on track to losing my second wife. I cant go on like this for much longer.

I don't know what to do anymore. I keep myself busy but I am just watching everything go by whilst I am stood still.
 ta
Kez (ex RAF Cpl aircraft Tech) 

 

Date:

01 Feb 2005

Time:

23:14

Comments

Hi - I have just found your site and was dumbfounded when I went through your lists.  The first block I more or less answered all of the above but it was the second block that grabbed my attention because all I've seen so far is aimed at PTSD caused through active service.  I honestly thought I was alone.

I was diagnosed with chronic PTSD in the first half of 2002 whilst still serving.  Things came to a head when I was on a tour in Kosovo and after I was RTU'd to Germany and considering my past history I sought help.  I was basically excommunicated by my unit who wanted nothing to do with me and had to instigate the physciatric procedures myself.

I received counselling and support from the Military Mental Health Authorities in Germany and was diagnosed chronic PTSD triggered by an initiation ceremony' which included sexual and physical abuse that I was subjected to at the age of 17 shortly after joining my Regiment.  It appears that I have tried to bury this through alcohol over the years and more recent disciplinary incidents were triggered by my apparent loathing of what I considered to be incompetence from my senior officers.

Anyway - I was signed off by the shrink because as I said my unit wanted rid of me.  I was posted over 500 miles away from my family despite my pleadings that they were the only thing holding me together.  The shrink gave me the contact details of one of his colleagues at my new posting.  I was determined to see those two years out without incident.  The unit was at the time considered non deployable and was in fact the only unit that would take me considering my background of disciplinary problems.

I was doing ok for a while then my so called non deployable unit was deployed to Kuwait in February 2003.  I returned from Iraq in July 2003 and wasn't allowed home to see my family for a week after I got back.  I had some leave and went back to my unit.  Another incident happened and I was back to square one except this time I didn't have my family for support.  I saw the shrink and he sent me on sick leave in September 2003.  Nothing was resolved and he made arrangements for me to see him once a month for about 10 minutes and he just kept sending me home.  This went on until I was discharged in May 2004.

I feel as if I've just been pushed out of the door after 24 years of service because it was the easy option.  As I said at the beginning I didn't know where to turn because all of the organisations talk about combat stress.

If you would like to talk some more privately then please email me at Andy@ptsd.org.uk  

Although Combat Stress appear to be very military they are not MOD controlled and would be able to help and support you as they deal with the PTSD issues and not your military ones.  It does not matter if your PTSD came via military action, bullying, sexual abuse or discrimination Combat Stress can help.

Take care my friend and please remember hat I am here to help you if you want an ear to talk to.

Andy

 

Date:

9 Feb 2005

Time:

15:48

Comments

Andy,  I come onto your website quite a lot - it is great.

Toby Elliott
Combat Stress

 

Date:

9 Feb 2005

Time:

15:49

Comments

And I am sorry to read that you have had malicious messages - what a world we live in

Toby

 

Date:

16 Feb 2005

Time:

14:58

Comments

I was medically discharged with a severe disability in 1981. Since then I've lived alone with no support or help from Veterans agency, and actually stopped myself from getting help from anyone, thinking I could do it all on my own. I've virtually driven myself "Mad" over the last 20 odd years. I've now plucked up the courage to contact Combat stress, who have offered me help.  I hate myself for the person I've become, and hope that somehow my thinking can be altered.. because it's like someone else occupying my body.

 

Date:

23 Feb 2005

Time:

21:13

Comments

Patrick thank you

I have not been to war

Date:

04 Mar 2005

Time:

19:16

Comments

I HAVE BEEN HIDING IN THE CLOUDS FOR OVER 30 YEARS. I WAS AFRAID I WOULD BE LOCKED UP OR NO COMPANY WOULD HIRE ME OR NO INSURANCE COMPANY WOULD TOUCH US, AND WE WOULD BE BLACKED BALLED. I AM VERY HESITENT TO SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE OF BEING HURT. I AM VERY TIRED AND I WANT TO GO HOME. I AM TIRED OF FIGHTING. I KEEP TO MYSELF, BUT MY WIFE DOES NOT WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. SHE REPORTED ME TO THE VA. I JUST STARTED TALKING TO THE PSYCHOLOGIST. I STILL NOT SURE I CAN TRUST ANYBODY. THE NIGHT MARES AND FLASHBACKS ARE GETTING BEST OF ME. SHE GAVE ME PILLS TO SLEEP

If you feel you want to talk you can email me for a private and confidential chat.

 

Date:

10 Mar 2005

Time:

12:59

Comments

I would just like to thank you I use your site often just to refresh my memory. I am still trying to find a treatment to deal with my ptsd.
It helps a great deal knowing I am not alone with this, it is trying to deal with it that is hard.

Many thanks

Andy C

 

Date:

23 Mar 2005

Time:

20:08

Comments

I am an Occupational therapist working in Mental Health and discovered your website today via  the BBC Health news site.

Some years ago I used to treat outpatients for stress and anxiety difficulties. Some of therse people were elderly- ex-WW 2 soldiers. Symptoms of PTSD can resurface after many years. A website like yours is a very helpful tool for all those brave ex-service personnel suffering from the effects of their involvement in wars.
 
Congratulations and well done.

 

Date:

23 Mar 2005            

Time:

21:12

Comments

I'm glad I found this website although it is not entirely relevant to my situation. I am finally recovered from the worst aspects of PTSD following a parental suicide when I was in my early 20's. A childhood utterly destroyed. I know you have seen far worse in service and I really feel for you.

Have faith that it can improve in waves and that rock bottom may be a necessary part of the process but that it's not so bad as things then start to improve. I know I am stronger now even if I am a slightly different person than I was before.

I wouldn't wish this horrible form of stress on anybody and am very grateful to all servicemen and women who have served. You will always be in my thoughts as fellow survivors. With the greatest respect, Penny

 

Date:

24 Mar 2005

Time:

05:24

Comments

Thank you. I'm not a Vet. But a survivor of childhood abuse. I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in my early 20's. How accurate that diagnosis is I can't say, if it was caused by the abuse I don't know. Maybe the two are unrelated. To the end of last year I made a conscious decision to 'get better'. I've basically dissected myself and taken a good hard look at what was there. I can relate to maybe 90% of what you talk about on this web site. Last year I decided not to keep my childhood a secret anymore. To stop feeling guilty about it. I'm in the process of putting myself back together, and what I've read here is going to help no end. Thank you. "Born to lose - Live to Win - Never Give Up - And Never Give In"..... Peace be with you.

 

Date:

25 Mar 2005

Time:

00:24

Comments

Unlike many who have provided comments, I haven't been in the military.  However, my PTSD occurred in the 1970's when I was about 11 years old.  I was fishing by myself, in Yorkshire, when I was attacked by a group of older boys - nowadays we call it swarming.

My treatment at the time consisted of a quick trip to the ER and a follow up trip to the family GP to deal with the cuts and bruises.  Then no other treatment until a few years ago.  Unknown to me I've been carrying the affects of the attack for 30 or so years.  Aside from the flash-backs, I had lots of anxiety, low self-esteem, difficulty making friends, and difficulty being in or around groups of people.  Like many with undiagnosed PTSD I thought it was just me and didn't really make the connection between the flash-backs and the other symptoms - after all, I was very young when the attack occurred.  As I look back, the lack of treatment, or any sort of counselling or intervention, defiantly changed my life, hurt my schooling and career choices.

My breakthrough came a couple of years ago when I was in a business meeting and had difficulty making a presentation (e.g. anxiety, heart palpitations etc) because of the group/confrontational nature of the situation that reminded my sub-conscious mind of the original attack.  I sought professional help and was referred to a psychologist.  Originally I thought it was all about being in groups, but he found the cause of the problem was the attack.

He treated me with a technique called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) If you haven't come across this before, it basically consists of a flashing light bar.  Your eyes follow the flashing lights as you repeatedly, under the direction of the psychologist, go over your traumatic experience.  By going over my story of the attack, and triggering and then lowering my anxiety response to it, we found that we could re-train my response to images of the attack.  Although not completely eliminated, the flash-backs are few and far between, and other symptoms are down to very low levels.  EMDR changed my life.  All it took was about 4 sessions to change what I'd been living with for 30 years.

My unscientific interpretation of how it works is that we experience rapid eye movement (rem) when we sleep when our brains process information.  The flashing light bar replicates this rem pattern, so by talking through your trauma you can desensitise the experience and your brain will process this.  Simply, your brain gets rid of the angry and emotional response to the flashback with a more mellow response.

If you have PTSD symptoms, please seek help.  EMDR is one option that worked for me.

Matt, Canada

 

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Definition

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a natural emotional reaction to a deeply shocking and disturbing experience. It is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.