YES I HAVE BEEN THERE.
I was in Bosnia in 1993 for 6 months. During that time (supposedly
as UNHCR) we were:
 | Shot at. |
| Caught in the cross fire of other warring factions. |
| Had artillery shells and Mortars fired at us (and I mean within feet of where we were). |
| We had little rations. |
| Ran out of water. |
| And were on 2 hour readiness to bug out. |
"You can go to the ranges and serve in the butts but no-one can prepare you for the feeling of coming under fire."
The feeling of helplessness, fear and the thought of dying are emotions
thankfully most people do not have to deal with many times in their
lives. To have to deal with these emotions on more than 12 times in just
a few weeks e.g.:
| Having artillery shells explode so close to you that you can hear the shell above your head rotating. |
| The force of the blast and the heat and noise generated is un-imaginable to those who have not been there. |
| Being shelled without warning and totally unprovoked, everyday at lunchtime for over a week is scary. |
| Being woken at 4.30 in the morning by mortar shells exploding so close to the building you are sleeping in that it rocks the whole place violently... |
"These are extremely frightening experience to put it mildly."
I won't go into my personal experiences any more than this here but suffice
to say they were enough to ruin a 8 year career in the ARMY. I gave up
certain promotion and have suffered for 9 years since my tour.
I have had the:
| Nightmares |
| Flashbacks |
| Anxiety |
| Shakes |
| Sweats |
| Paranoia and everything's else that goes with that... |
Oh! and not to mention the:
| Guilt |
| Shame |
| Complete loss of pride & dignity. |
I have nearly committed suicide to the point that I would have nightmares
where I would jump with the rope around my neck and then awake as the rope
snapped.
"I'd say I've been there?"
I never got any help until it was almost too late. I was saved by 3
amazing ladies from America. Sandy, Marci & Betty. All
were trying to help ex-service personal and that is why I do what I do now.
I am trying to provide information and help to other people so that they
won't have to go to the places I have been, do the things I have had to do and
suffer the unimaginable pain and suffering I have had to endure during the
past 9 years. No-one can possibly imaging the loneliness , isolation and
despair that comes as part of the territory of suffering with PTSD. Only
those who have got PTSD will ever know.
I have been to Audley Court myself and Tyrwhitt House. They are both
good places in there own way. No they do not suit everyone and I did not
get on at all in Tyrwhitt House (in fact I left on the second occasion and
refused to go back) but that was me. There are many thousands of people
who have benefited from Combat Stress and as they are the only people who
really care about us and provide information and help, I for one can only
thank them for this.
True they might not be your cup-of-tea but unless you give them a chance
you will never know. You cannot drink alcohol and they don't tolerate
bad behaviour! Okay you might not like that but there are a lot of
vulnerable people there and I do not think that 2 weeks without a drink is too
much to ask for the help they can give in return.
"You need to go there in the right frame of mind and with an open mind to help and support."
They do not pry or harass you but instead provide a stable environment with
others who are suffering like you and if you want... they will listen, advise
and give help. There are group and one-to-one sessions for you to
attend and the onus is on you to be open enough to accept the help
they are offering.
That said, it took me several visits before I really relaxed enough to get
any benefit from the place. I was really screwed up though and it took a
lot of time to sort out my head. I now have no job and a 50% War Pension
(service attributable to PTSD). The little money that gives me and my
state benefit does not come near to the £17,000 job I lost because of
PTSD but then I am still alive, getting better and now trying to help others
who really want the help... and those that don't YET!
I hope that I have helped relieve your concerns about me? If you
still need any further proof then read all the messages (from people like us)
in my guest book:
| http://www.ptsd.org.uk/guest_book.htm |
| http://www.ptsd.org.uk/guest_book_archived_messages_1.htm |
| http://www.ptsd.org.uk/guest_book_archived_messages_2.htm |
These are written by fellow sufferers and these people really know what it
is like to suffer.
I hope to hear from you again so that I can help you if you want me too?
"I am not a medical person, just a fellow sufferer who will provide an ear for you to talk to, whether you want to moan, cry or just talk. I never judge and your confidence is always the most important thing to me. It will never be broken."
Take care my friends.
Andy